My Dinosaur Era Chapter 37

 

jesus, I mean, I knew something was up when you came to the flat that time, I say

I’m sorry, I feel awful for keeping it from you and now awful for dumping it on you, says petula

you don’t need to feel awful about anything, I say

look, that was a lot, right, we’re on the beach, it’s sunny, shall we have a kiss and go for a swim, she says

you know what, that sounds just about perfect, I say

I strip off my tee shirt, fight my way out of my shorts

petula unties her halter neck, lets it drop to the sand

underneath is a plain black bikini, patrycja’s most likely

she throws her arms around my neck and kisses me

not like before, not the lightness of the plaza nueva

it has force, strength, like being hit by a wave

my legs tense to take her force

she pulls away, runs into the sea

I follow, big strides to catch her up

the water is warm, clear

fish circle my feet and legs

I let myself flop into it all

my mouth still quivers from her

petula dives under the surface

emerges, takes a deep breath

bellows out over the ocean

 

you can’t lock me in

you can’t lock me in

 

dances in the water, arms above her head

I stand and watch her, admire her majesty in this moment

she takes another deep breath

fucking hell, timmy, I feel like everything is magic today, she says

she calls me timmy for the first time, patrycja’s influence

she’s in the timmy club, we’re all in it now

 

I wade over to her, put my hands flat across the cheeks of her face

everything is magic, I say

yes, yes, it is, she says

can I tell you something else, timmy, she says

sure, why not, I say

that night when I first came to your place, to watch jurassic park, I really thought we would fuck, it’s like what people do in these situations, right, she says

yeah, I was really tired, I say

yeah, I know, you fell asleep, but that’s not the point, the point is that you did actually want to watch jurassic park, you didn’t want to fuck me, at least that wasn’t your primary concern, she says

it is a great film, I say

it is a great film, she says

 

we swim around for a minute, head back to the beach

we share a towel from my rucksack

we flop onto the sand

I hope ginny finds a nice dress, says petula

I hope so too or she’ll sulk all day, I say

you and her are so funny together, she says

how do you mean, I say

I dunno, you have such a lovely relationship, at least it seems that way but it is like I can’t define it, you’re not just mates and I don’t think you are lovers, I dunno, it’s interesting, she says 

maybe that’s the thing, we don’t have enough definitions, I say

how do you mean, she says

we have a limited number of templates, they mainly revolve around, are these two people fucking or not, I say

hmm, yeah, I hadn’t thought of it that way, she says

we all do it, think in this way we are used to, I say

yeah, it’s like, on the outside say, and this might be a shit example but stay with me, to the outside world, I live with jonny, he is viewed as my fella, so ergo, we must be fucking and yet, you, timmy, you are some fella I feel really close to, yet we are not fucking, she says

I think that’s not a shit example at all, I say

and like, I want to think more openly about these things but we are conditioned, right, it’s  difficult sometimes, she says

how do you mean, I say

well, another shit example perhaps, I just said that we are close but we are not fucking, but then I think, oh god, maybe it’s because he just doesn’t fancy me and I had never stopped to consider that, she says

petula, I say

yes, timmy, she says

you are beautiful, I say

thank you, she says

she rolls over into me, her back against my chest

I wrap an arm around her

mmm, that feels nice, she says

she lifts up an arm and lets her hand smooth itself over my face

I close my eyes, listen to the waves

 

look, timmy, look

 

a voice comes from somewhere, a shriek

eyes open, fifty metres away, a figure

running awkwardly on the sand

 

look, look at me

 

closer, it’s ginny

encased in a leopard print sundress

faux fur shawl

obligatory jackie o shades

 

look, timmy, look

I’m a film star too