My Dinosaur Era Chapter 4 *Rewrite*
By beanzie
- 84 reads
ginny had known for a few weeks about jane
not when she brought us together
then, she saw how lonely we both were
decided to create a union
she knew that it was the correct thing to do
the moment she saw my face at her door
you looked so sad and so did she, she said
I knew you could only be happier together
jane had told her that her main regret was never getting married
ginny told her
marry timmy
why would he want to marry me now?
because he loves you and he wants you to be happy
ok but how can I tell him? it’s all so difficult
I will tell him
and that is how it happened
when I went back to jane’s flat
she was there, by the door
hovering, ready for me as I entered
oh timmy
she threw her arms around me
I could smell wine on her breath
I thought you didn’t like it
I don’t but I found some in the cupboard and I wanted to try
why didn’t you tell me that you were going to die?
how do you tell someone that? someone you love this deeply
yes, I suppose that is difficult, I love you too
we finished the wine
started to watch peep show
she had never seen it
me on my sixth rewatch
isn’t that the oscar woman?
olivia colman
oh yes, oh my, is she in this?
she is, she is in it a lot
the sadness that should have prevailed could not breathe in the room with us
we choked it with our simple kindnesses to each other
every biscuit proffered
each wiggle of our fingers
all the minutes of us
pushed grief into the corners
in the morning I made coffee
the skyscraper machine
whirred, steamed, spat it out
I took it to her in bed
it was raining and the corner of sea that I could see was grey
a seagull swooped past the window
it eyed me for a beat
swooped back away
back into the dullness
as I put the coffee down on the bedside table
there it was
the sadness that we had shooed away last night
I looked at her ear and imagined it as ashes
scattered from the pier
I slid back into the bed
kissed her on the cheek
I sprawled myself over her
covering her
protecting her
listening for the sickness inside
tears came
one bounced into her closed eye
momentarily balancing on her lashes
timmy, you musn’t cry
eyes still closed
that tear still teetering
I tried to pull it back in
I retract that cry
give it back to me
she put her hand on my chest
drawing circles in the hair
eyes opened slowly
we don’t have the time for tears my love
I know
I think dying people are meant to do all the things they wanted to do before they die
like a bucket list
like make a wish kids? do you want to go to disneyland?
she laughed
yes, yes, just like that but no, not disneyland
you wished you could get married
I know
what else do you want to do?
eat biscuits with you, watch peep show with you
that’s what we do anyway
also, I want to have a kfc bucket because I have never had one and they look lovely
they’re not
oh
I mean, they are but they are also not
she looked disappointed
like I’d told her about father christmas
but we should have one, the really big one that is meant for twelve people
ok, let’s do that
we shall
but I mainly want to get married to you
ginny was on the case
she had already been to see someone
about getting an emergency marriage license
do you think we should kiss?
now?
yes
yes, we should
we kissed that morning for the first time
we had a ridiculously proportioned KFC bucket, each
we were married a week later
made it to season seven of peep show
before she became too ill to take it all in
she died five weeks later
her last biscuit was a bourbon
her favourite
though she did adore garibaldis as a treat
I didn’t cry at her funeral
at least till I got back home
ginny sat with me for a couple of days
making us both vodka milkshakes
we finished off peep show
I never had KFC again
I stayed in the flat for another month
she’d inherited it and now it was being passed further along the chain
being sold, her estate split between some family and a few charities
she left me something too
I walked down the stairs to the outer hallway
looking up at the banisters above me
I realised that I was leaving our love here
an artefact for future generations to discover
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