My Dinosaur Era Chapter 44

 

the van takes another roundabout

patrycja lets the wheel thread back through her hands

I hate this drive, so many of these circles, she says

I’m sat up front with her, my first time in the cab

ginny is sleeping in the back 

petula’s thigh acting as pillow

I have done this drive a few times, it’s shit, I say

maybe I should put you on the insurance so you can drive another time, she says

sure, I say

but I would need to see you drive first, she says

like a driving test, I say

yes, I will test you, she says

 

we wait in traffic just outside chichester

beyond another dozen roundabouts lies brighton

the ocean is behind us now, time has glitched

it could be any day of any week

patrycja’s contact got us on cheap

though one double cabin between four of us

tag teaming the bunk beds

made me wish for the two hour flight

instead of the day and a half voyage

now we’re almost home, the sky is grey

the sun half set in the distance

I look in the driver’s mirror

see petula’s half closed eyes

her head swaying with the motion of the van

we had said that we could figure some stuff out

in those hours on the water

sat at the table in the bar

just coffee between us

 

so you said you had an idea about where I could live, said petula

 

        I did, yeah, I said

 

so, are you going to tell me, given that we are halfway back to england

 

        yes, yes I am

 

are you going to tell me now

 

yeah, I guess I was thinking, once we sort out getting your stuff from jonny’s house, I guess that’s what we are doing first, right

 

yes

    

then well, I suppose the usual thing would for you to stay with me and then figure things out from there

 

I guess

 

        yet, I dunno, you’ve just left a shit thing with this seemingly shit bloke

 

there’s no seemingly, timmy, he’s a shit bloke

 

right, yes, so, I wonder if then going to straight away live with some other guy, who is not a shit bloke but you don’t know him that well, is the best idea

 

so, what then

 

        it’s just like, it’ll be my place, the same power dynamic, all that, right

 

but you’re not him, you couldn’t be further away from not being like him

 

        but he was lovely when you first met him, you said so

 

jesus, timmy, what is it you are saying now

 

        look, let me finish

 

I do actually wish you would, sorry, I know you are trying to help, I’m just tired and fuck, I dunno

 

look, don’t get me wrong, I want to be around you, it feels great, it feels like, hmm, jesus

 

does it feel like when you were with jane

 

        yes

 

oh, well, that’s sweet, sorry, I’m being a bitch

 

no, again, it’s fine, what I was thinking, and I haven’t even asked anyone about it, is that we do a flat swap with ginny, that way we are both adrift in a way, we’re both starting in a new place

 

wow, ok, I mean, that could work, do you think she’ll mind

 

        I think that as long as she is with patrycja, she won’t give a shit where she is

 

you might be right

 

        then, we can see how things go, figure things out from there

 

ok, yeah, I’m in, thank you timmy

 

        what for

 

doing the thinking I am not currently capable of it

 

look back in the mirror again, her eyes fully open now

she holds my gaze, her big weird face holds me where I am

back on the road, a sign says brighton eighteen miles

are we there yet, says ginny

oh, you fucking child, I say

I turn around, ginny’s head still in petula’s lap

well, are we, says ginny

almost, we’re just past arundel, I say

can we go to the pub, says ginny

aren’t you tired, I say

mmm, yeah, but the pub will wake me up, says ginny

I’m game, sure, how about it, I say

yeah, sure, says petula

patrycja, impassive, eyes on the road

you up for it, I say

yes, but quick though, I am tired, says patrycja

ginny I have a question for you, I say

what’s that timmy, says ginny

can I swap flats with you for a while, I say

swap hats, I don’t have a hat, says ginny

I’ll ask you again when the pub has woken you up, I say

yes, babe, you do that, says ginny

she snuggles her head back into petula’s lap

petula strokes her hair

why do you want to swap flats, says patrycja

I had an idea that me and petula could stay at ginny’s, to start with, just so petula wasn’t having to live at mine, does that make sense, I say

yes, I get it, so she is not tied to you, says patrycja

yeah, I say

don’t worry, I’ll take ginny in the van tonight, she wants to go somewhere dark, out in the country, says patrycja

oh ok, why does she want to do that, I say

I don’t know but already I am learning that with her that it is good to agree, sometimes at least, says patrycja

agreed, I say