Outside

Nice to see some poetry from you again, Beeme ;) Just because the piece is short doesn't mean it's not finished - I think you round it off wonderfully and you've got loads of brilliant images here! Magic xxx

It's all been said, Beeme. Just a couple of very minor points to make it even better. Fourth line, should read 'Its head' "It's" how you have written it, means, 'it is', which isn't at all right;-) The other thing is...last word, second stanza, 'to' needs to be 'too', meaning as well, or also. Makes all the difference. Wonderful imagery here, and my favourite lines:- 'A flapping bird, outside rests its head on the moon. I blink and so do the stars'. Magic;-) Tina XX

It's just purrfick now, Beeme;-) Tina xx

Hi Beeme, I would call this well and truly finished, and very well done. If I were to be very pedantic I would suggest the last line starts as "I too want to disappear", just my thought, please feel free to tell me to disappear. David :--)

I was looking for your block poem, which I thought I saw yesterday, and found this little gem instead, I think the ending works beautifully as it is, and it's good to see your poems again.

Hi Beeme, sorry, my fault, yes I would definitely keep the whole of that line, it was only the addition of the "too" I was suggesting (i was TOO lazy to put the whole line in my suggestion). Having said that, by leaving out the reason for why you want to disappear it does add a sense of mystery and also gives a nice balance to the last stanza. Hmmm, I will leave that up to you I think, its whatever you prefer. Kheldar :--) xx P.S. I always feel a trifle humbled when someone takes on one of my suggestions, thank you

Beeme, this poem is marvellous! It has a magical feeling, when it's so late and only you can see theses things. I read this since all these changes & I can still tell you are missing someone ;) . I love it all, especially 'I blink and so do thew stars'! Kx

Yes, I liked the bird resting its head on the moon line and the stars blinking. Sort of takes the whole thing spiralling upwards into something unreal and much more interesting. And the flash of light towards the end does the same - the sort of moment when you see something going on in the sky that must be an enormous event somewhere in deep space but goes barely noticed down here. Sorry - probably not making much sense. I liked it a lot. Rob

new Beeme First stanza The crystal blue sky leaks into the sea.wow. I like it all,but I could definitely feel you wanted space, two are missing each other here! Mystery explaining was good. Especially like the bird that rests's it's head on the moon, lovely images julie xx.