Deciding

I'm never too sure about making decisions about anything ever really. So to decide to put myself on here and do this was quite a long process for me. I'm not a big head, I dont think I am anyway, but, ha,ha so many people I have met in my life have said that I should write a book about my life i have decided to write a book about my life. Now that was a monumental, more mental than monu, decision for me to make, believe me.

Dont worry I'm not gonna write the book now, I'm just really getting aquainted with the idea of writing anything at all. It all feels ok so far I must admit.

Hmm now I've gone a bit dry, started to get all anal about it. Just when I thought it was going well. I've started to imagine that there is a big team of seeminlgy very, very intelligent intellectual types that you see on the telly, people that are twats really and only got the job cos there brother in law works for the telly. That this (imaginary) team of intellectuals are all sitting around drinking brandy and smoking big fuckin cigars and laughing there heads off at twats like me writing this shit!

Well no wonder I have a problem about writing and leaving it on here if thats what I'm thinking. I'm a bit like the 'Yosser Hughes' character in 'boys from the black stuff', which was on the telly in the seventies. My problem is clear 'I think therefore I am not good enough'. So in order to make myself good enough I make everything I see shit and say to myself "I can do that!".

So having said all that I can do this. The title 'deciding' seemed like a good idea at the time. But this piece of writing is clearly more that about making decisions isn't it? I dont actually know what it is about to be honest. It may be just a little snapshot into my rambling orchard of a psyche but it feels ok. I feel comfortable with it.

Amen.