speechless

So it's time I intorduced the girl of the peice, lets call her Lucy. I called her Lucy cause that was the name and only call her Lucy cause thats all she told me. You can probably tell from this indepth background that this wasn't one of these long term relationships you always hear about other people having. In fact I am not wanting to mislead anyone by claiming it was a relationship. Thats what i have with my Girlfreind of 3 years who was waiting for me back at home. And because i dont believe in cheating, nothing happened between me and Lucy or even Lucy and I except for enjoying a few drinks in one anothers company. And so I headed back home resolved in my mind to break up with my girlfreind and hope to try and find love elsewhere. I never had told my girlfreind i loved her because I just was never 100% abd thought it's always something you should be 100% when saying to someone. But what I did have with Lynsey was good, very good and we both had grown into a nice relationship.

But this was different, this was better or at least it held the promise of being. And so I arrived back home from holiday to split from my current girlfreind and see if I could find my Lucy. And sure enough the break up was messy, the aftermath left me feeling shitty and more than once I doubted my decision. But eventually the dust settled and myself and Lynsey managed to attain a genuine freindship which allowed us to freely call upon each other if we had a problem. It was good it ended this way because it meant in my eyes we had been very close and even after the break up we still felt able to talk. The scenario wasn't completely new to me as I always seemed to wind up freinds and a confidant to women I loved but felt a freindship outweighed the pain it caused me. Only now the roles were reversed and out ofmemory I kept a distance from Lynsey to prevent causing her any more pain than I already had.

So that was the difficult part I told myself. Part from someone close to you knowing the pain it's likely to cause them. Now I just had to find my Lucy. Ideally THE Lucy I knew but whichever Lucy I eventually found I knew would make me happier than I had been.