Angel 87 (Pizza Face daddy)

Angel was more angry than scared when she hurried through the gate to meet Pizza Face at visiting time. Her hair brushed against her shoulder was washed and shining and Pippa had lent her a little makeup which added colour to her cheeks. Her eyes were drawn away from the arched backs and strained pale faces of relatives sitting at tables waiting, and watchful, to children chirruping in the corner and playing with plastic toys. She was smiling when she slipped into the seat across from Pizza Face.

A nick on chin from shaving had a bit of reddish toilet roll stuck to it and he’d bags under his eyes. His eyelids were heavy and he looked frazzled with tiredness. He yawned and nudged a twenty packet of Silk Cut towards her with a box of matches. He toyed with a Mars Bar, a can of Coke and a Twix pushing them back and forth on the table.

She lit a cigarette and joked with him, ‘You tryin’ to fatten me up?’

She was conscious that he couldn’t see the small bump on her stomach under the bib that marked her out as a prisoner and wasn’t aware of the double-meaning.

‘Whit you wantin’ to see me for?’

She cocked his head, looked over his shoulder at one of the guards, over at the vending machine, doling out advice to a grandmother with Elastoplast connecting the bridge of her spectacles and  holding onto the arm of a blonde-haired infant.

‘Well, I’m pregnant.’

‘Whoopty-woo for you.’

He gazed at her like a stranger, his index finger tapping the Mars Bar back and forward.

She put the cigarette in the ashtray and her hand drifted towards his, but he pulled away hiding his hand under the table.

‘It’s your baby.’  

‘No,’ he shook his head. ‘I’m no’ fallin’ for that one, again.’

‘Fair enough,’ she sighed.

He jabbed is head forward and croaked, ‘Did you ever love me?’

She rubbed at her stomach and around her waist. ‘Pizza Face, I loved yeh to bits.’ And she watched a softening in his gruff exterior, but watched it darken again when she added. ‘But not exclusively.’

‘Whit does that mean?’ he spat out.

‘I don’t know,’ she admitted, taking a quick drag of the Silk Cut. ‘But I’ve been meeting wae that vicar, the one that done Lisa’s funeral. And I’m no’ sure about a lot of things. But I’m sure of one thing –nae mair lies.’

‘Did you fuck any of them?’ he asked.

‘Who?’

‘Dunno, the one’s you were talking about.’

‘I never fucked anybody but you Pizza Face. And I didn’t fuck you.’ She held her hands out in entreaty. ‘I made love to you – can you say the same?’

‘No, I cannae,’ he stretched his legs and leaned back in the chair. ‘But you know that anyway. If you’d still been there I wouldnae have…you know?’

‘Oh, it’s my fault then, for getting caught carrying drugs that were in your jacket pocket, and sent down for seven years…’ she turned her head, searching for a guard to take her back. ‘Och, it doesnae matter.’

He leaned forward and growled, ‘Then you take me for a mug. Have me believe all that fuckin’ pish that the twins were mine – and then, worst of all you leave the boy wae that poof to bring up. Fuck off. Go’n – fuck off’.

Angel eyed him the way her eyed her. ‘The boy’s got a name. He’s called Adam. And a lot of folk think he’s the dead spit of you – God help him – including my pal Bruno and your pal Tony.’

‘Well, how did you no’ leave him wae me then?’

She reached across and sparked the can of Coke, taking a quick, up-and-downer. Holding out the can he took it and took a swig.

He burst out laughing. ‘I was always scared of losing you, but no’ tae a fuckin’ poof.’

‘You didn’t lose me, because you don’t own me. You lost yerself.’ She put a hand on her chest. ‘I’m still here.’

He sat for a few seconds, and pushed the Mars Bar across to her. ‘Sometimes you’re too smart for yer own good – mind we used to say that.’

‘Aye,’ she remembered sitting on the tenement stairs with Pizza Face and Tony. They were all sheltering in their own ways from their own woes. They’d looked out for her, but nobody could protect her from Jaz. She opened the Mars Bar and halved it, taking a bite and sending the other bit of the chocolate bar spinning across the table towards Pizza Face.

She smiled as she spoke and made it sound like a compliment. ‘Go on, you always had a sweet tooth and were a greedy bastard’.

‘Suppose,’ he shoved it into his mouth and picked up the can of Coke to wash it down and burped loudly.

The girl at the next table glanced over, but looked away when she spotted Pizza Face glaring back at her.

‘So how did you get pregnant then?’ he asked.

She held her hands up. ‘I’m no’ goin’ o’er this all again. We talked about it on the phone. You know and I know we were in your flat and we made love. You can deny it ‘til the cow come home, but it doesnae change a thing.’

‘Aye, I get it.’ He eyed the Twix. ‘You gonnae eat that?’

She shook her head. ‘Nah.’

He opened the packet and chewed on one of the chocolate fingers and kept talking. ‘It’s just as a said the last time. My da would fling a pair of knickers on the floor and my ma would get pregnant and wae Charmaine…’ he shook his head and rolled his eyes.

‘She had the wain yet?’

‘Aye, Bobby, lovely wee thing, but you know wae Charmaine – I just cannae stand her.’

‘Whit are your plans?’

‘Fuck knows,’ he said. ‘I actually envy you being in here because you don’t have tae listen to Charmaine.

She rubbed his knee under the table in commiseration and he cocked an eyebrow.

‘I suppose the one good thing is I couldnae get you pregnant again, even if I’m ur a chip off the old block.’

‘Mmm, that would be nice,’ she laughed. ‘But I was kinda hoping…nah, doesnae matter.’

‘Whit?’ his blew his cheeks out and let go of his breathe in a long sigh. ‘You know…I kinda hoped as well.’ He slid the packet of cigarettes closer to her, stood up and kissed her on the forehead, before sauntering towards the guard to let him out.