Surprise.

By celticman

Tue, 19 Jul 2011
  • 1480 reads
10 comments
 

Loneliness
an empty space
With no sides
No hands
No touching

Reaching
To find you
in a secret place

Hidden
From yourself
In the red
Bleached dress
of dreams

In the void
No words
estrangement
exercises
Heart training

Tumbling

Silences shattered
A corpse of a man
Reduced to love.

Certificate U
Poem
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Highhat on
Nice to be reading something different from you Celtic. ;)Pia

Submitted by celticman on
Thanks Pia. Everything I write is different! I think there may be another word for it.

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on
i think this is rather good, I particularly like No words estrangement exercises and Heart training That last one is such a good image. :-)

 

Submitted by Highhat on
you know Celtic-it wasn't my intention to offend you. What I really meant was that in short stories the writer can often hide behind the characters whereas in a poem it is easier exposing yourself as an individual. Is this jabberwocky to you? atb Pia PS I still think this poem is good "In the red bleached dress of dreams" I especially liked

Submitted by celticman on
Hi Pia. I wasn't offended. Perhaps the surprising thing is I've usually got a destination in my stories when I write them. Poems are just flinging words up in the air and seeing where they fall. Sundays I don't know what they are about half the time. And I'm pleased you've all, taken time to look at my attempts. Thanks Fatboy.

 

Submitted by RachelPatricia on
'In the bleached red dress of dreams' - I love that, too :) That opening stanza is really powerful too, celtic - you should fling your words around more often, they fall in some pretty amazing ways if you ask me ;) Rachel xx

Submitted by celticman on
Thanks Rachel. Nice words. I've been writing rubbish for a while. I'm sorry. I can't help myself and humanity will just need to suffer a little longer.

 

Submitted by oldpesky on
Hi celticman, this surprised me and showed another side of you. 'an empty space with no sides' stuck out for me. Well done for tackling something different.

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
There's so much in this, I'm happy you've tried a new avenue. The last stanza in particular: Silences shattered A corpse of a man Reduced to love. powerful stuff, I look forward to seeing more of this kind.

 

Submitted by celticman on
Thanks MV, if you're happy with anything I've written, I'm happy.