the enjoyment

on his deathbed
he stares up at the ceiling---
a stale, supposedly calming
light blue, basks down upon
his now disease ridden body &
with all the tubes pumping
painkillers & poisons into him,
he’s finally fallen into submission,
giving up the last remnants of
resistance to the belief that the
doctor’s have been right all along &
that this thing is a final determinant---
this thing is going to be what
does him in,
probably much sooner than he had
anticipated.

for him, there will be no more trips
home, for him, no faces of family or
friends will be seen---unless they come
to visit of their own accord,
rather, these are the pondering hours,
possibly days,
in which even the gentle clicks & beeps
of the machines beside him
send his fuzzy mind into a series of
stream of consciousness memory waves
which connect pieces of his life
that he could have swore he had forgotten
up until now.

each one is burnt on the wall inside his
skull, each one comes up like brail neath’
the fingers---translating the minute details
of the rising glaring images appearing in
his barely awake state, the whole while
reminding him of the eons which seemed
to stretch themselves out into the years
that now have been rolled up into a bundle
of fleeting, flashing, seconds.

while not all the memories are positive,
as the darkness still creeps in, the fact
remains that an overall peace takes hold
convincing him concretely that there is
no more reason at all whatsoever to
dwell on those places in his head, those
nether regions which brought anguish in
the past & dragged on throughout his
life, bringing up new pain like the enduring
side-effects of a drug---instead, now, the
calming blue above begins to morph into
a gorgeous lake, one which he went fishing
with his father up in the Adirondacks,
when the green canoe was filled with
the essentials of the day (the bait, cokes,
sandwiches & of course, Lay’s sour cream &
onion potato chips) & time seemed to stop
completely, whilst the two of them shared
an afternoon coasting along the quiet waters
of a lake which they solely occupied, taking
turns rowing & casting out in hopes of a
big return.