a tale of two take out new guys

though i have been on the other side of the

fence before,

been that “new guy” who gets all the shit,

been that “new guy” who can’t swing it fast

enough,

been that “new guy” who wishes that they could

just attain some semblance of routine

in a brand new atmosphere,

i know full well that the answer to eliminating

the “new guy” status

has nothing to do with chronological time,

but instead,

buckling the fuck down &

forcing that nose to the grindstone,

until you know the new deal

like the back of your goddamned hand.

 

so when i called the take out place

which i’ve phoned a zillion times before

(so much so, that they know my voice---

they know my dish, they know where i work---

when i get it there & they know where i live---

when i get it there),

i expected the same phone call &

the satisfaction that comes with the comfort in

knowing

that your order won’t get fucked up.

 

this time, however,

a new voice asked new questions

when i rambled off my lines &

i knew already that

i was not a fan of this new guy.

 

new guy I,

no doubt passed the baton off to

new guy II &

so the story continued…

 

you see

11:30 means 11:30---

that would be thirty minutes after the eleventh hour,

so that delivery of said food

would equal the reception of a decent tip---

this is how things work

(you & i know it…but apparently mr. new guy two

hadn’t a clue).

 

new guy II rolled in at 11:45 &

upon my remarking that my lunch break was a ½ hour long,

he had nothing to say…just a chuckle,

now, sure he was young,

but why condemn the young

because one buttfuck new guy

hasn’t a clue about the whole concept of

delivery?

let’s just say that he needed to receive either

no tip at all,

or the change from the

$10.33,

which i rounded to $11.00 promptly.

 

a really shitty tip,

probably the worst i’ve ever given,

in this specific case,

hopefully will drill the point home,

that if said new guy wants to make some

fucking money,

said new guy has to step on the gas &

get the shit to where it’s going

on time.