Now is the Winter of our Discontent A Monologue

Now is the Winter of our Discontent!   A Monologue   1147 words

Surely someone will come soon.  I’ve tried but I can’t get up.  Someone must have heard me.  I’ve not got the energy to call out any more.  I don’t know how long I’ve been on the floor and I’m cold…very cold!  I’ve read about things like this happening to people like me…old people.  Only last month it was headlines in the paper ‘Woman Found Dead in Flat – Thought to have been there three weeks.’  Is that going to be me?  Will I be found dead? 

I’m very cold…I can’t stop my teeth chattering and I’m shaking from head to foot.  Surely some one will come.  I can’t get to the phone and I’m so cold.  It’s all I can think about.  Who would have thought I would end up alone in the winter of my life!  I was an only child and even though I knew I was loved, I was lonely.  I would have liked to have been part of a family with brothers and sisters to play with.  Mum was always too busy to spend time with me when Dad was away at sea because she took in washing to make ends meet… well, that’s what people did in those days.  Although Dad being a seaman meant that when he came home he always brought me a present. 

When I grew up, I met someone and we were together for a long time and I thought we were happy but then he upped and married someone else. So, once again, I found myself alone but this time I had come to a decision.  Dad had passed away by then and mum was horrified but I was determined I was not going to spend the rest of my life alone.  So, I defied convention by deciding I would have a baby and then one wasn’t enough so I had another and then another.   That was, if you like, the summer of my life.  My children were the summer of my life.  They blossomed.  I blossomed. 

Then before I knew it, it was autumn.  By then the girls had married and left home and gone to live in different parts of the country but my son didn’t get married until much later in life so while he was here things weren’t too bad.  It was only after he left that things started to get difficult.

 It was gradual, at first, but then it seemed to accelerate to the point where I became less able to look after myself.   I just couldn’t seem to manage even simple little jobs and I freely admit I’m nervous about living on my own too.  I don’t think I will ever get used to it but it wasn’t planned, that’s just the way it turned out and in any case the alternative doesn’t hold much appeal.  Surely someone will come.  Someone must have heard me.  Please God…let someone come! I’m just so cold… 

I’ve tried crawling along the floor but I can’t get hold of anything to pull myself up and I haven’t got the strength anyway.  The nurse will come.  Yes, she will come because she’s been treating my leg.  It’s ulcerated and very painful and she comes to dress it.  It’s stinging something terrible at the moment.  That’s because the dressing is wet through.  I don’t know how long I’d been on the floor when that happened.  Since then, I’m in an even worse predicament.   But I’m sure she’ll come.  Yes…she will come!  The nurse…she’ll find me.  She’ll come in time.  I don’t know what else to do. I can’t get up so there’s not much I can do.  I’ve just got to hope.  Is that…is that?  Yes, it is…it’s the phone!  I can hear it.  If only I could get to it.  I try…but it’s no good…

Who could that have been?  Who cares enough to phone?  I don’t know anyone.  My girls phone once a week but my son is in hospital having an op on his knee.  Anyway, all that’s by the by.  I’ve always kept myself to myself.  I live in a block of flats but I don’t feel able to mix.  I don’t think the neighbours like me much.  I can’t cope with the place you see and it’s got in a bit of a state.  There are black bin liners every where, all full of stuff I’ve accumulated so there’s not much room to move about.  If I had fallen in the sitting room I might have been able to haul myself up using the bags but I’ve fallen in the hall and it’s very narrow. 

I suspect the neighbours don’t like me because they think I’m dirty and if truth be told, I am!   There’s no hot water unless I put the immersion on and I can’t afford it.  It runs away with the money.  They also think I’m odd but I’m not odd I’m lonely and I’m old and I can’t do for myself.  I can’t look after myself…not properly.  I know that.  But, someone will come…I know they will.  Please don’t let me end my days alone and lying on the floor in this filth. 

But I’m so cold. 

What was that?  I heard a noise.  Did someone push the letter box? 

‘I’m here…I’m here…’ 

No.  It’s just my imagination playing tricks.  Nothing’s changed I’m still lying here on the floor.  The nurse, the nurse is my best hope; she’ll be here in time surely?  I’m so cold…so very, very cold.  I wonder if this is what that hyper thing is?  That hyper…therm thing they’re always talking about.  It’s funny how life follows the same sort of cycle as the plants and the seasons.   You start off young and strong and you end up weak and then die just like the plants really and the seasons, they play their part.  Spring is a force for life.  Winter withers life to the point where its only option is to die.  But spring leads into summer and summer into autumn…I’m so cold.  Think some more about summer. 

I feel very sleepy.  Is this what happens?  Does sleep overtake you or is it not sleep but death?  Is that what is happening to me?  Is death overtaking me?  I’m so cold.  Someone will come.  Surely someone will come.  This is not how it’s going to end, is it?  Is this the final curtain?  The nurse will get here…she’s got to come to see to my leg.  I’m sure she’s due to come.  I can hear the phone again.  I can hear noise outside.  What is it?  It sounded like a siren.   I can see blue lights flashing.  There’s someone at the door.  Oh, thank God!  There’s someone at the door…