Faith

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By Drew Lardge

Mon, 17 Jun 2024
  • 525 reads
9 comments
 

Faith

 

I have spent my days

Denying the thought

That almighty exists

Up there, despite what some say

 

As I lay in bed, my close ones huddle

I feel their sorrows, their teardrops subtle

Some clasp their hands, devotedly

But my beliefs are down here, together with me

 

My eyes are blurry

And my ears are faulty

But I still see scenes from memories

Relics, dating centuries

 

I see my mother’s face 

My childhood grace

The innocent days

Their taste bittersweet as marmalade

 

My only love and her hazel eyes

The way she kissed me, underneath the champagne sky

And how her hands were clasped in mine

When a speeding car took out her life

 

How my crippling legs took me

To the hospitals where my parents lay

The vivid sight of a lifetime friend

Dying in silence, awaiting their end

 

My father first, his determined eyes

Now filled with fear of slow demise

His fragile hands that shakily met

The death he feared of inside his bed

 

My ill mother, who smiled at me

Whilst her body resonated pain

And when I saw her expressions leave

I lived a life as half the man I used to be

 

My visions are gone but I wonder

If I could see them once again

Just for a moment, just for a day

If I could, I would give everything away

 

But alas, it’s just a dream

A dream of which will not come true

But if, within the slightest chance

Within the skies, above the cloudy blues

 

Everyone is there, waiting for me

Smiling and freed from all the grief

Prove me wrong, and say you were right

And tell me, God, are they alright?

 

Please be up there, please be true

Take everything, I have nothing to lose

All I want beyond my death

Is proof that denies my faith.

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Poem
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Comments

Submitted by airyfairy on

Interesting thoughts. I was brought up a believer, but lost any shred of faith many years ago. At times it would be comforting to think my parents and other loved ones were waiting for me, and that they had found peace and joy. But for me the memory of the joy they brought in their lifetimes feels far more rewarding than the vague promise of something to come. I know, though, how lucky I am that they did bring joy and I do have that to look back on. Each to their own, I feel. Whatever gets you through.

Submitted by Drew Lardge on

Thank you for the comment. I am glad you got to experience your reward of joy. 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

It is intersting that you name 'not believeing' to be a 'faith'. It is a 'blind faith' that wants to believe there is no God but has no exidence that he doesn't exist.

Whereas faith which rests on facts and evidence of the beauty and intricacy of creation and the historically recorded life, death and resurrection of Jesus, has basis in believeing in the God, Master who exists and calls everyone to return to him. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Drew Lardge on

I wrote this poem in the perspective of an atheist who has refused to believe in god but is desperate to see heaven in hopes of witnessing his loved ones, hence making the narrator say 'faith' in response to his disbelief in god due to his strong disagreement on the existence of god that he has believed in throughout his life. It was a literary tool to express the narrator's atheistic beliefs were as strong as those who are religious, but was also used to express the contradictory behavior he shows of religion in the face of death - something inevitable and empty to those who don't have 'faith'. 

 

Submitted by D G Moody on

As I'm currently going through a series of personal losses, I can identify with the expression of doubt conveyed here; and having lived long enough I can only say I now choose to let the mystery be, and get on with what is here and now.

Dougie Moody

Submitted by Drew Lardge on

I hope all goes well for you, Dougie. 

 

Submitted by D G Moody on

Thank you Drew, for your your kind words.

Dougie Moody

Submitted by Jessiibear on

This is raw, powerful, and devastatingly human. The closing plea—“All I want beyond my death / Is proof that denies my faith”—is breathtaking. It captures the deep ache of loss, the wrestle with belief, and the vulnerable hope that maybe, just maybe, love endures beyond the grave.
 

You’ve written a prayer from a nonbeliever’s lips, and it rings with truth. Beautiful work.

 

Jess

Submitted by Drew Lardge on

I spent a lot of time formulating the last stanza, so I'm glad that you find it breathtaking. I'm also very glad I was able to portray my idea of a nonbeliever's idea of religion as well. Thank you, Jess!