More Bonkers

Monday morning and the Bonkers staff returned en masse. Fresh from their manorial homes, chinwag dinner parties and bad golf, five stalwarts assembled on the sofa, giggling like nervous school kids as the cameras rolled. Today's stars were the Nutwood imp and her favourite confederate, the Orc hitman. Looking like an amateur boxer with 59 defeats behind him, this guy was famous for never allowing a traditionalist interviewee to complete a single sentence. Of course, those who were favoured by Bonkers ideology would receive very different treatment -including a foot massage, a glass of best claret, and a friendly hug on departure. 

The news was preceded by sport, and a new presenter tried to outdo his colleagues, with even more orgasmic hyperbole than usual. His youthful voice cracked at the crescendo, and for a moment he sang like a falsetto yodeler. Magnificent indeed.

Then the news. 

"Bonkers research has established that the Prime Minister is a very bad person. This research has also found that the government as a whole is very bad in all respects, as is the bulk of our history. These must be changed immediately and lots of money should be spent on everything that moves and doesn't move (to avoid descrimination)."

A row of nodding dogs on a 1970's parcel shelf signalled their agreement. But grimaces and scowls and saintly looks were suddenly replaced by beams of joy, as the imp announced that competitive farting had just been confirmed as a full Olympic sport.

All is not lost!