Stepping Stones

I had intended to chart the course of my life by identifying the 'stepping stones' of my most embarrassing moments. As the memories surfaced in ever increasing numbers, however, it soon became clear that these events were much more like the river itself, than the path across it. I got as far as attending an interview with my shirt hanging out of my open flies, when I gave up, writhing in exquisite agony.

There must be another way.....

Well, it's a cop out really, because some of the following material has been described before, but I still decided to revisit some of the most remarkable characters I'd met in my life. These have surely had a more profound effect on my existence than any amount of unintended farts and sartorial faux pas.

Here we go.

There was 'the wizard' who circulated pubs giving everyone around him knowing smirks. He was apparently immortal and could fly. Most unfortunate, when he slipped on his own piss in the gents and knocked himself out. The stretcher was no throne. Similarly, a drawling girl 'from Arizona' was later outed as a resident of Hull.

One particular biker was notorious for his party trick of eating dried dog dirt. Another wore full racing leathers and a helmet on his BMX bike. Yet another, recycled tea through his nostrils when he laughed, and always licked chip bags clean. My favourite was the bloke who released budgerigars into the room when he started losing at chess.

TV has always been an eye-opener for thoroughbred characters and perhaps the most brilliant was a chap who claimed to be 999 years old and came from an alien planet. He conducted business with a toy chimp on his shoulder and sealed the deal with a cloud of talcum powder.

And many more!

The true stepping stones.