An Ocean Apart (poetry monthly)

Cherry

By Ed Crane

Sat, 06 Feb 2016
  • 3836 reads
12 comments
 

An ocean separates

our bodies, but the fire

they feel burns like

underground lava.

 

Flavours of secrets

linger on our tongues

stoking embers

ever ready to ignite

into white heat.

 

Skin; fingers; tongues

share collective memories

of wild sensations crashing

over our bodies. Nerve

endings electrified;

pinnacle reached.

 

Satisfactions recalled

alone . . . until

we meet again.

Certificate PG
Poem
Erotica
Love

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

oceans apart. But I guess we come close when we think of others. 

 

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Some readers thought this referred to ..... more than just a recollection of love making, so I changed it a bit, I hope it works better now.

Ed

 

Submitted by Bee on

Even borders are no barriers where passion can be so easily ignighted by the senses. After the 'satisfaction' achieved alone, the last line can be taken in a couple of ways. Either - alone until we meet again, or - as in signing out - until we meet again...

'Flavours from secret places linger...' I wasn't keen on secret places, and wanted to read for some reason, the flavour of secrets. The word linger is clever here, though, I thought. Orgasmic poem without being too icky.

Bee

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Thanks for your very kind comments. I certainly like the idea of flavoours of secrets, I think I might use that if you don't mind.

Also thanks for saying it's not icky, certainly wasn't intended that way.

I am not happy with the last line it can be read in a way not intended. I will think about how to change that.

Thanks again

Edx

 

Submitted by Pat G on

Orgasmic - onanistic or otherwise - and romantic.

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Thanks for you kind words. I have to say any reference to onanism was unintentional, but I see how it could be interpreted that way. Obviously the final stanza needs modifying. I will work on that later.

Best to you

Ed

 

Submitted by Bee on

'Recalled alone' is perfect. The changes you've made, Ed, have turned your poem more in the direction of the love aspect without in any way removing the passion. I think it's beautiful. Would be lovely to receive this poem accross an ocean - but I liked until we meet again, best.

Bee

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Actually I prefer it too, but I tried to add a little mystery with our journey completed, but perhaps it doesn't work.

 

Submitted by Bee on

It does work, Ed. But I think the first has more / is more of a promise, and in keeping with the mood. Glad it's back! 

Bee

Submitted by Ed Crane on

 

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Passionate and magnetic.

Submitted by VeraClark on

Yes, you have avoided the cliches. Skin fingers tongues and flavours of secrets are lush lines. I really like this.