IP Babylon was built on Grain
By Ray Schaufeld
- 6408 reads
Baby crying in the rain
Regaining boiling loneliness.
Lone buildings lie in ruined grain.
Speak true baby, gale blown bubbles
Gray babble grazing lonely field
Green bubbling mobile blown.
Baby may build again, greening gray
Long grainy grit built up from lone loam.
Builders home lonely babies!
I gain green granary, re-build over pain -
Babylon was built on grain.
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Comments
Effective use of
Effective use of alliterations, here, Elsie...adds to the poem's punchiness. Great take on the I.P.
Tina
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Hi Elsie,
Hi Elsie,
I hope your well.
I would not want to say this poem drunk lol but loved it, well done and good luck on IP.
Take Care
Keep Smiling
Keep Writing xxx
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Fabulous use of language here
Fabulous use of language here Elsie. Truly a voice crying in the wilderness - this baby demands attention.
Linda
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Fabulous! I love what you've
Fabulous! I love what you've done to the IP. Taken it, broken it all up, spat bubbles into it and thrown it into the wind! Linguistic loveliness. Don't go too far away. I get those feelings all the time.
Parson Thru
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Hi Elsie
Hi Elsie
Sorry it's taken me so long to find this to reply to. I sort of thought you had stopped writing, and never looked to see if it actually happened.
It is certainly a very interesting poem - and cleverly done. I can't say I understand it - but like the sound of it.
Jean
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I adore this use of language:
I adore this use of language: treating it as something altogether more visceral, rather than just a narrative tool (although you do that incredibley well, also). The physical act of expressing poetry often gets left by the wayside in online literary communities. Brilliant piece.
Michael.
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