Anti-Candles

Why don't pidgeons make bird noises like all the other birds do?
"cheep cheep" and the likes, all they do is eat and shit on people
without a song to sing to brighten up your day.

Why do mad people enjoy public transport so much? Look at the back of
the bus when you next get on and you're bound to see a dribbling idiot
writing his name in his own disease-riddled condensation.

Why do flies always try to kill themselves? It's either your mouth,
your eye, your general facial area, windows, cars etc. They're like
mini-lemmings with wings

Where do Wasps live in the Winter? And why is everyone so scared of
them if the little bastards can't even stand a little cold
weather?

Why does the word "Awful" mean "Horrible" when it used to mean "Full of
awe"? Has the world gone mad? Actually, that's a different question all
together.

Why would you say "Yikes" if you were scared of something? And why did
Shaggy, of Scooby Doo fame, always say "Zoiks"? Was he foreign or
something?

And why was every episode of Scooby Doo the same?
Gerenal Plotline:
"There's a Ghost or Monster in some stereotypical location (Beach,
Haunted House, etc.), Shaggy says "Zoiks", Scooby Doo says something
undecypherable.
Next up they meet a man he seems very suspicious, and would seriously
benefit from loads of money which he could easily get his hands on. He
isn't a suspect though.
Monster appears randomly and chaces fat ginger woman, Shaggy and Scooby
away. Shaggy says "Zoiks".
Shaggy and Scooby head to kitchen, meet monster/ghost again, they run
away, dress up as someone to fool the monster and run away again.
Shaggy says "zoiks". Meanwhile fat ginger one, good looking blonde one
and "Handsome" fella find a clue.
Monster is caught, it turns out to be the character who would seriously
benefit from money, he says the line: "I would have got away with it if
it weren't for you pesky kids", Scooby Doo comes along dressed as the
monster and Shaggy says "Zoiks". Everyone laughs"
Anyway, enough slagging off Scooby Doo, on with the questions.

Who did Adam and Eve's kids have sex with? And how were Adam and Eve
married if there were no Churches or witnesses, or did the trees
witness? Eh? What's all that about then? Isn't that against
Christianity, even though they were Christians because God made them? I
don't know do I? I'm the one asking questions.

If a bisexual man likes his "Eggs fried on both sides", then how does a
homosexual man manage to fry his eggs upside down?

Why did Britney Spears tits grow when she went in for a knee
operation?

Why don't they invent a candle that doesn't end? It could be called a
gas pipe.

I think that's enough questions for now. But I want answers
goddammit!!