Elaine
By GlosKat
- 100 reads
On either side the profiles lie
You choose the ones which catch your eye
The pretty girls get picked, not I -
Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).
For everybody swipes me left
And leaves me stranded, quite bereft
I'm not romantically deft –
Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).
I saw him on eHarmony
His coal-black hair, all blowing free
And knew that he's the one for me –
Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).
I changed my profile, made it slick
I knew that we were bound to click
And loaded up a Taylor pic,
Elaine of Cardiff (Not).
He swiped me left and made me cry
I don't want any other guy
There's nobody who wants to try
Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).
Out flew the mobile, floated wide;
The phone screen crack'd from side to side;
"I'm bloody sick of shadows," cried
Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).
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Comments
I don't remember this one -
I don't remember this one - it's great. Poor Elaine - online dating is a brutal thing!
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Left is bad? I'm left handed
Left is bad? I'm left handed. People engage this way - by swiping? WTF? Also, very rhythmic rhythm. Modern and I guess very pop culture augmented with a nostalgic, I guess, weeping kind of thing.
V/R
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Alright, KittyKat, I'll dig
Alright, KittyKat, I'll dig out my Tennyson reader omnibus when I get back from the shooting range.
V/R
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Not a Tennyson fan? Heaven
Not a Tennyson fan? Heaven forfend.
V/R
Very Respectfully
A traditional military sign off
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Oh, I don't know if we have
Oh, I don't know if we have Tinder here. I don't know what Tinder is.
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I loved this! I too find
I loved this! I too find Tennyson a bit florid a lot of the time, but I'm very fond of the Lady of Shallott. I think your version is a great take-off of the original, and extremely enjoyable just as a piece of writing. I'm far too happy being single to bother with online dating, but I have several friends who have found their forever whatevers by that method.
Is TJW's V/R Virtual Reality, perhaps? I've only ever tried it a couple of times, at art installations, but I must admit I was rather entranced and would never dare to actually invest in it because I think I'd be far too tempted to escape reality whenever I could.
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Swiping Left
I didn’t know there was internet dating dating back twenty years and I’d never heard of eHarmony but now that I do, I know not to try to swipe left, so thank you for the tip.
I once met up in Covent Garden with a young woman who had placed a two-line advertisement in the NME. We made the mistake of having our get together just a few hours after the final whistle had blown at the F.A. Cup Final. The pub we were in was packed with jubilant Everton fans down for the day. The group sitting next to us were telling jokes about Margaret Thatcher. I laughed but my lady from Chiswick found them a little too vulgar and that was that. If Everton hadn’t won the Cup in 1984 I might have met up with her twice.
The Lady of Shalott is probably the only one of Tennyson’s poems that I’ve ever read… at school, so long ago that the ink was probably still wet on his page. Your poem has stirred my curiosity so I might have a wander back.
Turlough
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Spoiler Alert (Not)
I agree, the shared principles and the shared sense of humour are essential for relationships and friendships to work. I don’t know how people survive without them. Even when I’m on my own I try to make myself laugh.
I know where Splott is. I’ve even been there. It’s hard to explain why but it’s a place that suggests humour just from its name, as is Minsk. However, I don’t want to take anything away from you as I would have seen the humour in your poem even without the inclusion of Splott.
Thanks for telling me what happens at the end of The Lady of Shalott. You’ve ruined it for me now. And I was hoping to get the DVD for Christmas.
Turlough
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