Elaine

Cherry

By GlosKat

Sat, 13 Dec 2025
  • 100 reads
17 comments
 

On either side the profiles lie

You choose the ones which catch your eye

The pretty girls get picked, not I -

Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).

 

For everybody swipes me left

And leaves me stranded, quite bereft

I'm not romantically deft –

Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).

 

I saw him on eHarmony

His coal-black hair, all blowing free

And knew that he's the one for me –

Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).

 

I changed my profile, made it slick

I knew that we were bound to click

And loaded up a Taylor pic,  

Elaine of Cardiff (Not).

 

He swiped me left and made me cry

I don't want any other guy

There's nobody who wants to try

Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).

 

Out flew the mobile, floated wide;

The phone screen crack'd from side to side;

"I'm bloody sick of shadows," cried

 Elaine of Cardiff (Splott).

 

Certificate U
Story
Romance

Comments

Submitted by GlosKat on

Another one of my stories posted when I was previously on ABC.

I thought there was maybe an analogy between the Lady of Shalott and a girl staring at the screen of her mobile phone to find love. 

Both of them are watching a screen/mirror while real life goes by.

I hope nobody picks me up on the fact that you don't actually swipe left on eHarmony.  It was just poetic licence.

I picked the name Elaine because in Le Morte D'Arthur Elaine of Corbenic is the mother of Lancelot's son Galahad, and Elaine of Astolat is the character Tennyson based The Lady of Shalott on.

Note that Splott is a district in Cardiff. ( I gather this caused a bit of confusion last time !)

 

Submitted by insertponceyfre... on

I don't remember this one - it's great. Poor Elaine - online dating is a brutal thing!

 

Submitted by GlosKat on

Thanks for the cherries Claudine ! 

I've dabbled in it when I was younger, in the days when you felt like you ought to have a boyfriend, but I was like Elaine - nobody I fancied fancied me !. There were some I didn't fancy who did contact me, but I wasn't interested in them.  Which is a shame really because we might have clicked in the real world with some conversation and body language and shared sense of humour. Just goes to show how superficial it can be.

Having said that, I do know somebody who has just married her partner of 20 years, who met him internet dating.  They went out on a first date and she thought he was really boring - actually the poor guy was so nervous he couldn't think of anything to say !  They arranged a second date, which she wanted to cancel, but her friend told her that would be rude.  'Just turn up', the friend said, 'you don't have to see him again'.

So she went on the second date, and he wasn't nervous at all because he'd met her before, and they had a great time chatting away about shared interests.  And here we are 20 happy years later ! 

So there is something to be said for it, but not my cup of tea.  And it's definitely skewed in favour of people who are photogenic.

 

Submitted by TJW on

Left is bad?  I'm left handed.  People engage this way - by swiping? WTF?  Also, very rhythmic rhythm.  Modern and I guess very pop culture augmented with a nostalgic, I guess, weeping kind of thing.

V/R

 

Submitted by GlosKat on

Do you not have Tinder in America JJ ? 

I've never seen it, but I know what people mean when they say 'he's a swipe right'.

I like left-handed people.

Thank you for reading.

 

Submitted by GlosKat on

PS the format is based on Tennyson's poem The Lady of Shalott.  Some of the imagery too. I'm not a big Tennyson fan, a bit too much florid, sentimental Victorian for me.  But maybe you could read his poem and see what you think about the parallels with mine.  I'd appreciate your comments.

PPS what does V/R mean ?  

 

Submitted by TJW on

Alright, KittyKat, I'll dig out my Tennyson reader omnibus when I get back from the shooting range.

V/R

 

Submitted by TJW on

Not a Tennyson fan?  Heaven forfend.  

V/R

Very Respectfully

A traditional military sign off

 

Submitted by TJW on

Oh, I don't know if we have Tinder here.  I don't know what Tinder is.

 

Submitted by GlosKat on

JJ you sound like my kinda guy.  You are left-handed, have lovely manners, and don't know what Tinder is.

BTW re another post, apparently Hemingway didn't write the baby shoes story.  I was really disappointed to find out : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/For_sale:_baby_shoes,_never_worn

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

I loved this! I too find Tennyson a bit florid a lot of the time, but I'm very fond of the Lady of Shallott. I think your version is a great take-off of the original, and extremely enjoyable just as a piece of writing. I'm far too happy being single to bother with online dating, but I have several friends who have found their forever whatevers by that method.

Is TJW's V/R Virtual Reality, perhaps? I've only ever tried it a couple of times, at art installations, but I must admit I was rather entranced and would never dare to actually invest in it because I think I'd be far too tempted to escape reality whenever I could.

Submitted by GlosKat on

Thanks Airy Fairy.  I'm in the same boat as you, happy to be single but I do have several friends my age who have made very happy second marriages from internet dating.

 

Submitted by Turlough on

I didn’t know there was internet dating dating back twenty years and I’d never heard of eHarmony but now that I do, I know not to try to swipe left, so thank you for the tip.

I once met up in Covent Garden with a young woman who had placed a two-line advertisement in the NME. We made the mistake of having our get together just a few hours after the final whistle had blown at the F.A. Cup Final. The pub we were in was packed with jubilant Everton fans down for the day. The group sitting next to us were telling jokes about Margaret Thatcher. I laughed but my lady from Chiswick found them a little too vulgar and that was that. If Everton hadn’t won the Cup in 1984 I might have met up with her twice.

The Lady of Shalott is probably the only one of Tennyson’s poems that I’ve ever read… at school, so long ago that the ink was probably still wet on his page. Your poem has stirred my curiosity so I might have a wander back.

Turlough

Submitted by GlosKat on

Well it sounds like Everton gave you a lucky escape.  There are lots of things which I think keep people together over the long term - shared principles being one of course, but another (for me anyway) is a shared sense of humour.  

I'm very old fashioned about my poetry, I like stuff that rhymes and scans. It was hard to think of a rhyme for Shalott, but I was married (very briefly) to somebody Welsh so luckily I had heard of Splott.

I like The Lady of Shalott, especially the ending, when pretty-boy Lancelot has no idea of what he's done. (1842 version.  Alfred Lawn Tennyson had a few goes at it).

 

Submitted by Turlough on

I agree, the shared principles and the shared sense of humour are essential for relationships and friendships to work. I don’t know how people survive without them. Even when I’m on my own I try to make myself laugh.

I know where Splott is. I’ve even been there. It’s hard to explain why but it’s a place that suggests humour just from its name, as is Minsk. However, I don’t want to take anything away from you as I would have seen the humour in your poem even without the inclusion of Splott.

Thanks for telling me what happens at the end of The Lady of Shalott. You’ve ruined it for me now. And I was hoping to get the DVD for Christmas.

Turlough

Submitted by GlosKat on

Get the DVD of the 1832 version then.  Promise you Lance doesn't even put in an appearance at the end of that one.

 

Submitted by Turlough on

There are parts of Bulgaria where it might appear that 1832 hasn't arrived yet, so with my Festive Lady of Shalott they'll think I'm dead modern and trendy.

Turlough