Craven Gets Flashed XX

In the back room of his shop above the Village Tavern stands Freddie Moynihan, proprietor of Village Oddities.

Freddie is in a snit with a sleepy carousal pony rider name of Dwayne Dobbins; coffee shop delivery boy.

“Listen here, kid. You need to let go of the pony. It cost me an extra fiver to have them bouncers carry you both up the stairs. These boys from the tavern don’t even like carrying me up the stairs. But it’s a guaranteed fiver in their pockets every Saturday night after I’ve lost the ability to navigate my legs off the barstool. Those vodka gimlets always put me back in the cradle, where I’m down on all fours talking gibberish; trying anew to find my way in the world. So a fiver it is. And I’m the type of guy who don’t let go of his fives too easy. I’m saving for retirement. I thought about giving up another fiver to have them rough you up a little, then toss you on an uptown bus, but my nature is such that I’d guilt myself back to the gimlets when it ain’t even Saturday night. Thus costing me a tenner for having these boys working overtime.

“Then I worry that Vince — he’s the skinny bouncer — is not getting enough to eat. So the next day I fry up some eggs and sausage. Then Troy — he’s the bruiser of the two — who don’t look the least bit undernourished, says that he’d like some grub, as well. Only he don’t like eggs. He’s more of a pancake man. So now I’m whipping up some batter, which always calls for an egg getting tossed in. But I don’t tell him this because Troy has the look of a guy who might be tossing me on an uptown bus some day. But tonight I treated ‘em both to grilled cheese with bacon.

“You fellas have enough to eat over there?”

Vince and Troy looked up from the table and nodded.

“Good. I think that’ll be all for now, fellas. I guess I’ll be seeing you again tomorrow night. Only this time would you mind taking off my shoes after tossing me in the bed? I get scuff marks on the sheets and they’re stubborn as hell to get out in the wash.”

Troy raised two fingers as he and Vince rose from their seats.

“Two bucks for shoe removal? Never mind, boys. Tomorrow night I’ll wear my slippers to the tavern. Don’t know why I never thought of it before.”

As Vince and Troy made their way out, they each gave Dwayne a tender hug and made a stinky face at Freddie.

“What? It’s not like I kidnapped him. He just won’t get off the darn horse till his copper friend gets here.”

At the word copper, the two bouncers rushed each other down the stairs.

“Where am I?” said Dwayne.

“I can’t believe you slept through this whole thing. It’s a good thing I like talking to myself.”

“Do I smell bacon?”

“You’ll eat when Dowd gets here with the coffee and donuts! Not a moment before! Unless, of course, you’d like an omelette? Onions and peppers okay?”

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