Phooey On Sunshine and Daisies - A Craven Danger Mystery
Hello. My name is Craven Danger. And I'm a detective. But I'm clueless when it comes to love. What's it all mean, anyway? Betty says the whole shebang started when a load a sunshine and daisies spilled from an angel’s pocket one morning. She said the Angel’s name was Love and that when Love turned around to see where all the sunshine and daisies was coming from, it was so bright she couldn’t see nothin’ for a month a Sundays. And that’s why people are always sayin' 'love is blind'. At least that’s what Sister Consolata told Betty in catholic school. She said they left that part out of the bible because, well, because it sounded nuts.
But that story was no nuttier than the story about turnin’ Lot's wife into a pillar a salt. All because she looked back at a city that was full a sin. But the sister never did tell Betty what Lot done with all that salt after the fact. Me? I woulda kept that pillar a salt on the front porch for them icy days when a lot of salt would come in handy. But, hey, that’s just me.
To tell you the truth, the more I hear about Sister Consolata, the more I’m certain it was her that was nuts. But I’m getting off the wrong exit here. Let me get back to this love business. Ya see, the problem is, I always seem to be walkin’ down the wrong aisle in the grocery store. I got my hands all over the dry goods when I should be in produce checkin' out the tomatoes. But, like I started out sayin'. . .
My name is Craven Moe Danger
Yeah, Moe, that’s my middle name
And I got a girl name Betty
And Betty's one hellava dame
She likes things like sunshine and daisies
And walks around Central Park lake
And she drags me along
But is it so wrong
That I‘d rather sit home eatin‘ fudge cake’?
I say, phooey on sunshine and daisies
On roses and romance and rings
Just give me a gal
Who can call me her pal
And not make me do girlie things
She likes to hold hands and blow kisses
And at times I can put up with that
But when she comes lookin’ for lovin’
I run like an eight-legged cat
So, phooey on sunshine and daisies
On Valentines, candy and wine
Just give me a she
Who can think just like me
And everything's gonna be fine
Good night and Amen to that.
When I sang that song for Betty last Valentine's Day, she told me that I shoulda sung it up the sewage canal. I said, ' Ya mean the Suez Canal.' And she said, 'No, Mr. Danger. I know sewage when I hear it. But ya so doggone cute, I’m sure I'll forgive and forget every dopey word of it."
Ah, geez. Me an’ my bein’ so doggone cute! It’s a curse, I tell ya. A curse!