Renaldo in Love

“You ever been in love, Renaldo?”

Renaldo gave Frederick a little nuzzle, then sat back on his haunches.

“Once upon a time I decided to hitch a ride on the Third Avenue El." said Renaldo. "Just for fun. I landed on top of the train and hung on for dear life screaming Weeeee! all the way uptown until I hit 89th street. It was a hoot.”

“Then what?”

“Then I figured I’d go take a nap on a nearby window sill. I was wore out from all that screaming. Then I got shot.”

“Shot?”

“Oh, it was a couple of years back. I was taking a nap on this Third Avenue window sill, having the sweetest little dream, when I hear gunfire. Bam! Bam! Bam! Scared the daylights out of me, but I didn’t open my eyes right away; I wanted to see this particular dream through to its conclusion. I was dreaming I was a peacock in Central Park, cooing my brains out in the hopes of getting the attention of a certain ravishing peahen who was giving me the googly eyes. Only, I couldn’t come up with the kind of plumage needed to attract her attention. I tried ruffling my feathers as best I could, and the only thing I came up with was a sore back from trying to rooster my way into a feverish frenzy. I no sooner wiped the sweat from my brow when I saw her go prancing off with what must have been the plumage king of Central Park. Yowser! That guy had plumage coming out of his ears.”

“And then?”

“Then I woke up to more gunfire, and I watched in horror as one of my toes goes flying in the air without me being attached to it. I didn’t feel any pain at first, because I was in shock and too busy staring at the place where my toe used to be, wondering if I would ever be able to negotiate a proper landing with only two digits. Then I heard another shot, and there went a toe from my other foot! That time I watched as it dropped to the street and was picked up by an alley cat who must have been hard up for something to nosh on, because I had very little meat on those toes. Some sort of dietary deficiency, I’m sure. But such is life. You learn to deal.”

“What about the one who was doing the shooting?”

“After the gunfire I see this ravishing redhead come running into the room where the shots came from. I watched in startled amusement as she gave the guy with the gun the what for. Then she noticed my petrified appearance on the window sill. The next thing I know she’s lifting me up and putting me in a cardboard box loaded with shredded newspaper, which gets the boyfriend all upset because I heard him say he wasn’t finished reading it, and someithing about how much he hated us filthy birds for dirtying up his window sill, but all he got was a raspberry and the silent treatment from the redhead, who took me into an outer room and bandaged me up. Then she fed me on sweet cream and crackers until I was well enough to fly again. That redhead almost made me wish I was human.”

“You had it bad, Renaldo.”

“You know it, Frederick. But, unfortunately, she set me free after few days. And even after all that I went back to that window sill every day hoping to get another invite from the one who smells sweeter than all the flowers in all the world. But all I got was the doofus with the gun.  Only this time he was reduced to defending his turf with a rolled up newspaper. I think the redhead took his gun away. I never did see her at that window again.

“So, with two missing toes and a broken heart, I hung around that window sill for no other reason than to lay one on that gun-toting schmo’s fedora as he entered the building each morning. After a few days I figured it was time to move on. Unrequited love is a funny business, Frederick. And since I’m a sap at heart, every year on Valentine’s Day I catch a ride on the El and head uptown to drop a red rose on that very same window sill, and leave a little something for the schmo's fedora.”

“Nice touch, Renaldo.”

“Yeah, but I still wish I had good plumage. That could’ve made all the difference in the world.”

Photo courtesy of Wiki Commons:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Peacock_feathers_%E0%A6%AE%E0%A6...