A Short Rumination on Signs

WATCH YOUR STEP

LOOK BOTH WAYS

SLIPPERY WHEN WET

Simple declarative sentences that offer sound advice for the distracted pedestrian.

Good signs that guide one’s way to safety.

But what about when your sweetie gives you a good swift kick out the front door after you’ve screwed up for the umpteenth time?

Where were the posted signs to help avoid situations like that?

DO YOU REALLY NEED ONE MORE BEER?

EYES FRONT!

DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT ANOTHER WOMAN!

YOU’RE TAKEN!

SHE LOVES YOU!

GO HOME!

I wish the women I wasn’t so discreet with were wearing signs.

GIRLFRIEND’S CO-WORKER

HELL-BENT ON MARRIAGE

WANTS YOU FOR YOUR SPERM

BOYFRIEND’S IN PRISON

But she never told me he was out on parole. And I now have the face of a boxer who wasn’t very good at it. That man had absolutely no respect for the restraining order.

When will I learn?

I Realize that we all should know how to behave at a certain age. But we still need constant reminders.

Signs should be posted at childhood. Then maybe we would’t be so damaged as adults.

DO NOT JUMP OFF THE ROOF!

YOUR FRIENDS HAVE NO INTENTION OF CATCHING YOU!

YOUR BIG SISTER KNOWS THE REAL REASON YOU’RE HOLED UP IN THE BATHROOM

IT WILL BE THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION AT HER WEEK-END SLUMBER PARTY

Maybe I should go into the sign business. Not a bad idea now that I don’t have a job. I could have used a few good signs back at the office.

WAKE UP, BILL!

THE BOSS IS COMING!

But the only way that I would have seen those signs is if the boss took them down from the wall and beat me over the head with them. Instead, he simply woke me up and told me to leave.

“And wipe that drool off the desk,” he said. “Have a little consideration for the people around you.”

HAVE A LITTLE CONSIDERATION FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU.

Maybe that’s the only sign one ever really needs.