True Confessions - A Craven Danger Mystery

Betty Feltcher leaned forward and pushed the button on her intercom.

“Mr. Danger?” said Betty.

“Yes?” said Craven Danger.

“Would you come into my office, please.”

”Sure. Hey! Wait a minute! I’m the only who gets to say that! Why don’t you come into my office?”

“Cause I said it first."

“And who says you have an office, anyways? It‘s the boss who has the office, and the secretary who has a space outside the office.”

“I have a desk, a chair, four walls and a door, Mr. Danger. And if I was gettin’ the business end of a rubber hose at a police grillin’, and they asked me ta tell 'em what an office was, or else! That’s what I’d be tellin’ ‘em. 'All right,’ the copper would say, ‘she knows what an office is alright. Ya can stop beatin’ her silly.’”

“Very funny, Betty. Can you at least tell me what it’s all about? I’m in the middle of a very important pastrami on rye with mustard. And it don’t like to be kept waitin’”

”You wearnin‘ that bib I give ya?”

”Craven Danger don‘t wear no bib! Chumps in a fancy five dollar chophouse wear bibs.”

”Chumps in a five dollar chophouse ain’t walking around with a condiment menu on their ties.” said Betty.

“Very funny, Betty. Now what is it?”

“Just hear me out for a minute. Are ya listenin’?”

“Yes?”

“I want you ta kiss me.”

”What?”

“I wantcha ta plant one on my kisser. A big wet one. But not so wet that I’m drownin’. Just a moist kinda wet one. The kind that’ll have me beggin’ for more. That’ll leave my toes in a curl and make the pit of my stomach get all warm and woozy. Then I want you to close-in ever so slowly on my ear and take that sweet little lobe of mine between those hot lips a yours and make me know ya mean business. And I want your fingers caressing my cheek. But a caress so soft I hardly know they're there. But I know they gotta be, 'cause I’m feelin’ things that make me wanna run my fingers through your hair and swallow you whole.”

“Hey! What is this, Betty? Have you been drinkin’? 

“Of course not, Mr. Danger. Why ya gettin' so worked up?”

“I'm not sure, Betty, but you got me all in a sweat back here!”

“Well gym class is over, Mr. Danger And I dont’ know why ya gettin’ yourself all in a tizzy. I was just readin’ to ya from a story I was writin’ for True Confessions magazine. I wanted ta get your opinion. So? Whaddaya think?”

“I think I need a cold shower. And don’t you ever do that to me again.”

“Sure, Mr. Danger. And don’t forget to wash those big 'ol ear lobes of yours. Ya never know where there gonna end up."

“Very funny, Betty. Ya killin’ me here."

Betty folded her story, placed it in an envelope and made ready to go the post office.

Men, thought Betty. They're so gullible.