Having it all

I don't remember when I
had a drink of water, when I
closed my eyes
I don't remember
it has always been like this

eyes front, fixed
upon the horizon
which seems no nearer now
than it was yesterday
the day before
the same weight on my back
at every step it bends me
further down
but keep on marching

so I sleep with
one eye open
arms wrapped tight around
cold metal
and at first light jerk
my body upright
once again
fall back into
my deathless stagger
anyway I'm moving forward still

and now and then I see
another soldier
but it's hard to know
whose side they're on
and know whose
side I'm on
perhaps I knew before
just what I'm fighting for
I know the worst thing is to lose

In my half-waking dreams, I hear the order
drop your weapons
and the mud has turned to grass
and every step's a dance
and in my singing arms
I'm holding something not
a gun