The Saxophone ( Part 3, Final)

I turned up for my first lesson, fully prepared, Sax in its case all polished nice and shiny. I climbed the fourteen flights of stairs to his office. It was a good job I was early as it took me a full ten minutes to get my breath back. Not a good thing when you’re about to blow hard for the next hour!

I entered his room. He was just saying goodbye to a lovely young woman in her mid- twenties, she was learning to play the alto sax. We exchanged hellos and goodbyes and I started to set up.

“Ok, you set up then and start to play me something that you have learned over the past few months, I’ll then get a good idea of just what level we need to begin with”

I did as I was told. I started to play “It had to be you”.

When I finished he looked over and said.

“I notice you’re not playing with any music in front of you, is that because you know the tune well enough?”

I was somewhat taken aback.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you last time, I can’t read music!”

He looked even more confused than he had before.

“You can’t read music?”

“No, never learnt, I play piano by ear so never really bothered to learn music, is that a problem?”

“Yes a massive problem actually, how can I even begin to teach you when you can’t even read what I’m going to give you to learn each week?”

“Oh I see, oh well, I’ll just have to learn that as well then, can’t be that hard can it?”

We talked about it for the next ten minutes, it was agreed that I would go away and try to learn to read music in between lessons. He said he wouldn’t charge me for the first lesson as it had been all talking really; we made another appointment for three days time.

During those three days I spent every spare moment I had trying to learn to read music. It was boring as hell but had to be done. After three days I could look at a note written on paper and know what it was and find my way to it on the Sax, it wasn’t great (or quick) but it was a start!

Three days later I was once again in front of the instructor feeling really pleased with myself.
He then told me that he recommended a few learning books that just by chance he had for sale, thirty quid for three books, apparently these were the best you could get and he was sure that I needed them. I bought them. After sixty minutes I left his office fifty pounds lighter than I went in.

I practiced every moment I could until the next lesson early on Saturday morning.

I played two new tunes for him that I had learnt.

He then spent the next thirty minutes telling me how bad it was and what I should do to improve. It was all about posture, poise and tonguing! Exactly what my old boss had told me thirty years earlier, but he was talking about something completely different.

I continued to have three and sometimes four lessons a week for the next six months. I always tried to practice when there was no one indoors as I was a bit nervous of my performance. Then one evening I said to my wife.

“I’ve come a long way darling since you bought me this wonderful instrument, tonight I will play for you”

She was delighted and said she couldn’t wait. I quickly set up the equipment and very proudly started to play a few pieces that I had recently learnt.

After about twenty minutes, she asked me politely to stop.

“You do know that you have spent around fifteen hundred pounds on this so far, don’t you?”

“Err yes I suppose so honey”

“Well if you don’t mind me saying so, you sound exactly the same as you did when you first went for the lessons”

“Ah but now I can read music”

“And?”

“Well, all musicians have to be able to read music; it’s only after that they can become true legends”

“But you’re forty and you’ve only just started, those heroes of yours were all playing when they were kids!”

“Nonsense, I’m sticking with it and I’m gonna play this thing magnificently one day!”

I packed up my stuff and left the room. I’d show her!

I had another thirty lessons before the awful truth actually sunk in. It happened during a lesson on a Saturday morning. I had just played a new tune for the instructor; he listened intently and then said.

“I know exactly what you need to improve, there’s a couple of new books out that I think you’ll benefit from, I happen to have them here with me, they’re fifteen quid each”

Reality kicked in.

“I’ll tell you what, how about you take the books and shove them up your arse, while you’re at it, shove the lessons up there as well, I’ve been coming here now for eight months and guess what, I’m still shit!”

I left the instructors room and walked along the corridor to the stairs, as I did so I saw the young woman that I had met on my first lesson. I shook my head as she approached me.

“Don’t go in there, that guy just tried to touch my privates, he’s some kind of perv!”

“Oh my god”

She turned round and followed me out of the building.

I kept the Sax for another ten years, every now and again I would take it out of its case and have a little blow, to be honest it still sounded like someone was trying to strangle next doors cat.

Then we had a break in at our house and it was stolen. I was upset but also a little relieved, no longer was I tempted to get it out and pretend to be one of my heroes only to realise that it was never going to happen.

But then last week I was walking past a music shop in Lewisham and saw the most wonderful Tenor Sax………………………………………