What was it like?

By maisie

Thu, 29 Dec 2011
  • 696 reads
2 comments
 

"It's like this," I explained,
grimly biting the bullet -
the gun aimed between the eyes.
.
"Like what?" he asked coldly
time wasn't an issue, we were
locked into a battle as old.
.
"Life took me on" I said evasively,
"I found new ways past..." I felt sweat.
Knew the body temperature was rising.
.
He laughed, the gun didn't waver.
"You never knew did you?" he said,
and died, a prisoner of his own mind.
.

Certificate U
Poem
ElasticBand
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Leander42 on
What I like about this poem is the tension. However... I'm not sure I understand this one Maisie. I get confused as to who is pointing the gun at who. If the subject is pointing the gun at the narrator, why does the subject die. I know you've probably got it clear in your own mind but it hasn't translated for me on paper.

 

Submitted by maisie on
hi Leander42, thanks for teh comment, i don't think i was sure who was gunning for whome, this was a first draft in about 60 seconds write, a sort of get into gear poem. someone once told me poems don't have to have a meaning? what do you think?

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!