The UFO Bible 2

"Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in the heavens."

Sky News was one of the two or three channels, the exact number of channels depended on the weather, that Crystal and Matthew could watch on Crystal's television. They were 30 miles from the nearest transmitter. The United Nations Envoy for Extra Terrestrials was being interviewed. He was a purple octopus whose face was covered with dozens of tiny eyes.
"What kind of alien is he?" asked Matthew.
"A Pleiadian," said Crystal. "From Pleiades. The Seven Sisters."
"Why have the aliens kept themselves hidden for so long? You have only recently made yourselves known. Is it because you don't want to cause public alarm?" asked the interviewer.
"If we'd revealed ourselves in the 1950s we would have caused public alarm. Most of the alien films from the 1950s are really frightening and people believed in them. Now people have a tendency to be less terrified of alien invasion. They're actually more worried about climate change. We have decided to begin the gradual process of making ourselves known. Increasing the number of UAP or UFO incidents in small towns rather than major cities and appointing a small number of representatives to political organisations. I assure you, there is no need for public alarm. We are not here to invade Earth, to conquer it or to capture humans and use them as slaves. We are here to help you. For the last hundred years we have been helping you. We came into a world where radios had valves and aircraft had piston engines. Everything else that happened since then, television, jet engines, transistors, micro chips, they were all revealed by aliens."
"Why don't you sell British Airways a fleet of a hundred flying saucers and then we could all get to Benidorm in five minutes?"
"Your economy would collapse. Technology for humans has to be understood and made by humans. We had to move gradually. We have to allow companies like NASA and British Aerospace to develop the manufacturing techniques."
"Wasn't some of this back engineered from crashed flying saucers?"
"Yes it was but it took a long time. A NASA engineer can't pick up a time dilation coil from the Roswell saucer and go to Radio Shack and ask for another coil like that one. They've got to work out how to make it."

"Matthew, aliens can't get married," said Crystal.
"Who said anything about getting married?"
"You just thought about it."
"I thought humans weren't telepathic."
"I said you weren't very telepathic. I can pick up a feeling from a human when it's very strong." Matthew was shocked.
"Can you?"
"Most guys just want to have sex with me but you really like me and you really care about me. I'm like your daughter and your girlfriend combined in one object. I like that."
"How do you have children if there's no sexual relationships?"
"Robot sperm."
"Who looks after the children while you're at work?"
"The nursery. Just take the children in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. There's a socialist government so people work a five hour day."
"Doesn't it get boring?"
"Not really, no."

"Have you ever been to Zeta Reticuli?" asked Matthew.
"No. It takes 400 years to get there. You travel at a tenth of the speed of light but you're frozen in time. Every year lasts a second."
"That's an incredibly long round trip."
"Absolutely. The Pleiadians came here to help build the pyramids and Stonehenge. They went straight back home again. They must still be out in space. They can't have arrived home yet. But to them it would feel like travelling for an hour and a half on a train."
"The thing is, Crystal, if you were to leave Lincolnshire and come back 800 years later your house, your job and your family would no longer be there. In fact, I'm not sure if the farm or the fishing village where you live would even be there."
"Your society has changed considerably over the last eight hundred years. Ours hasn't. A technologically advanced society would change very slowly. I would be entering the same world I have been taught about, even if it took four hundred years to get there. I'd have no difficulty fitting in. We have solved all our political problems. No risk of becoming homeless or unemployed."
"You don't have to go back to Zeta Reticuli. You could get married down here. I mean, if you want to, and to anyone, not just me. I'm not putting you under too much pressure, am I?"
"No. I brought it up. That's what I like about you, Matthew. You're madly in love with me, I just jilted you, and the only thing you're worried about is hurting my feelings. You're the kindest person I could ever imagine and then you shock me by doing something else which is kinder than that. You're kinder than I could ever imagine."
"You're not falling in love as well, are you?"
"Is this what it feels like?"
"Yes Crystal, that is what it feels like."
"I'm a hybrid between your species and another species. I won't be able to have children."
"I know. I'm not worried. I'm twice your age."
"You're not Matthew, I'm 60. We age very slowly."
"It'll be embarrassing if someone thinks you're my daughter."
"I know. I'm not worried."

The news on the television continued.
"I'm sorry, I don't know your name."
"That's fine," said the purple octopus. "You wouldn't be able to pronounce it. If you need to address me just call me Envoy, that is my official title. Or just call me, You."
"You mentioned something about the climate emergency. Is that something the aliens could help humanity to deal with?"
"We'll be having a good look at your technology and trying to make it more efficient. I noticed that your hydrogen fusion reactors have huge electromagnetic coils. They suck up all the energy, make the reactors useless. If you could use electrostatic plates you can contain the plasma with a thousand times less power. Hey presto, your reactor is 99 per cent efficient. And those batteries you put in your cars are really awful. What you want is a capacitor battery made with a superconductor that works at room temperature. You'll get a range of 720 miles, it'll change up in 30 seconds and it's just the size of a coffee mug."
"How do you manage that? It would violate the laws of physics."
"The laws of physics depend on the substance you're using. You can do what you like to a superconductor. It just doesn't overheat. A lithium battery would explode like a bomb if you did that. A superconductor capacitor would just stay cool."

A few weeks later Matthew saw Crystal's Range Rover come into the car park. She climbed out of it with a really happy look on her face. Matthew went out to meet her.
"It's great," Crystal said, climbing out of the car. "I'm paying £100 a month for a new electric power train. It's cheaper than buying petrol. And the car's so much easier to drive. You should get it done to your old Zafira. They can do it to any car."
"That's just what my old Vauxhall Zafira needs, a new engine. Twenty years old and not a speck of rust but it's not very reliable." Matthew took the car to the garage and got the new power train fitted. It was £7,000 paid over 84 months at £100 a month, including interest and commission. Crystal was right. The car drove so much better. It could go up a steep hill without making a noise like a jumbo jet trying to get into orbit. He drove into the service station where there was now one petrol pump, one diesel pump and 3 electric chargers. Matthew charged up the car and it took a few seconds. He then went into the shop.
"Pump number 3, please," he said to the girl behind the counter. He was holding his bank card.
"Is there a problem with pump number 3?"
"Well, yes. I've just charged up my car and there's nowhere to put my bank card in the machine and nothing even to tell me how much money I owe you."
"You think electricity costs money. Is this the first time you've driven an electric car?"
"Yes."
"We don't charge for electricity. It's so cheap we don't meter it anymore. Not since they built those new nuclear power stations."
"Hydrogen nuclear fusion power stations."
"Whatever they call them."
"Oh, that explains a lot. I thought my fuel bills had been a lot lower this year. I must be paying a standing charge for the electricity and just paying for the gas."
"You don't still have gas central heating, do you?"
"Yes."
"Get an electric cooker and an electric boiler. It's pointless having gas." That evening Matthew phoned the plumber.
"Hello. The woman at the shop told me I should get an electric boiler. It's pointless paying for gas, isn't it?"
"You're right. Since the aliens helped them build those new hydrogen fusion power stations, electricity is so cheap it doesn't have to be metered. Electricity is cheaper than water. The special isotope of hydrogen the power stations use can be made from sea water. But I've got a long queue of people who want an electric boiler. I'm fully booked for the next 6 weeks."
"I don't mind waiting. Can you make an appointment to come and see me in 6 weeks time?"