Princess Pride

Many a tale is told of the fairer sex
And several of these involve a good hex
For our heroine this took the form of her Dad
And all that she wanted was to find a good lad
Eyes like diamonds, teeth like pearls
Her wealth and her beauty outstripped other girls’
To her, Cinders was merely a fraud
But at that fateful party, she was sunning abroad
Never mind - plenty more fish in the sea
But Freudian problems could befall even she

He kept a shark down in the moat
On fine young Princes it did bloat
From far and wide they’d come each week
Judged by the King before they’d speak
Of great deeds the Knights would regale
But as for her father – he was sweaty and pale
“Why come my good man – a walk, a cigar!”
Then a few moments later you’d hear “Aaaarrrgggghhh!”
As he fell from the top of the castle’s tower
In to the water for the beast to devour

He’d slope back in to finish his salmon en croute
To hear “Daddy I hate you – you selfish old brute!”
“Oh Pumpkin, what can I say? He was really no good.
I’ll find you one better – I said that I would!”
And so many a suitor came, ate and died
And the Princess? Well she cried, cried and… cried!
So miserable was she they called her Sad Sack
And kids, as a joke, put notes on her back
When the King found out, he was mad but of course
And vowed to stamp it out with ultimate force

But at dinner that night on his cheesecake he choked
And the papers next day confirmed that he’d croaked
No longer could he stop a successor to his throne
But if you listened late at night, you could still hear him moan
A hopeful Duke took a stroll in the Tower above
The ghoulish King crept up ready to give him a shove
But a ghost was he so fell right through
Over the battlements and into the blue
He knew what was waiting – its bite was worse than its bark
Eternity in his belly, alone in the dark

One last champion rode in to town
And on his head he wore a great crown
Keen was he to give his people an heir
The voodoo he’d heard, he just didn’t care
Handsome was he, her heart was a flutter
Eyewitnesses claim from the moat came a mutter
His mind was made up, their courtship was short
All the Kingdom’s flowers to woo her he brought
Then one day, on one knee there he knelt
But in the shark lay the key to her chastity belt