Silence

By Ossy Gobbiner

Tue, 29 Jul 2014
  • 989 reads
5 comments
 

What brought you to the Silence

what made you choose this place

Did you arrive by way of forest

or perhaps through mountain rains

Did you seek solace by intention

or perhaps by guided fate

What brought you to the Silence

How did you find this place

 

Cast your eyes beyond the darkness

beyond the shingle laden shore

Let your mind begin its journey

this great beauty to explore

Climb the fells with great abandon

feel the life below your feet

Will you greet the maid of Buttermere

in the Silence what beauty will you meet

 

What brought you to the Silence

was it love or loss or pain

Can you see Crag woods reflection

will your memory there remain

Let your spirit free to wonder

feast your eye upon the grandeur of the  scene

As you continue on your journey

the Silence will still remain

Certificate U
Poem
Historical Fiction

Comments

Submitted by scratch on

I like the confidence that you show with your decision to stick with a completely unpunctuated poem.  

A little observation if I may?  The mixture of rhyme, loose rhyme and near rhyme/assonance is perhaps a little cluttered.  I would advise that you stick one approach.  A tight, perfect rhyme scheme is a real challenge to pull of (but then you already know that) so I would choose loose rhyme and assonance to carry the piece.

Please remember that this is only my subjective opinion, others will see and read it differently.

It's a very good (and transporting) piece.

 

Submitted by Ossy Gobbiner on

Thanks, appreciate the feedback, just starting my journey writing poetry so will listen to all suggestions and opinion. Thanks again.

Submitted by scratch on

Well if you are a newcomer to writing poetry you've got a great future ahead of you.

 

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

Ossy --- I really liked this poem. Since you state you are new to writing poetry, here are some thoughts to enrich your love of writing and see through creative eyes. An exercise for you --- Write a new poem taking place at this moment, and answer the questions you pose in this one, then post it. l look forward to reading it. Note -- my first writing was more like a narrator, now I place myself inside the moment of happening. 

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by Ossy Gobbiner on

Thanks Richard, that's an interesting little exercise to try also placing myself in the moment it happens sounds interesting and challenging. I will give it a try.