Dr Spoke and Dr Kelvin Save the World! - Part Three: ‘Touching Wood’

 

CAST

Dan AB : Dr SPOKE

Dan H : Dr KELVIN

 

SPOKE : Let us test the properties of wood.

KELVIN : You mean with respect of its load-bearing capacity?

SPOKE : Nope.

KELVIN : Its electrical conductivity?

SPOKE : Nope.

KELVIN : Its utility as a rocket fuel?

SPOKE : Nope, nope and thrice nope!

KELVIN : Then what properties of wood do you propose we test, Dr Spoke?

[ SPOKE picks up a piece of wood and touches it ]

KELVIN : I do not follow, Dr Spoke...

SPOKE : How do you feel?

KELVIN : What do you mean?

SPOKE : Do you feel lucky?

KELVIN : I do not, but I do find myself wondering why my learned colleague, Dr Spoke, is quoting seminal 1970's rogue lawman, Dirty Harry.

SPOKE : Dirty who?

KELVIN : Never mind.

SPOKE : So do you... punk?

KELVIN : Now that's just taking it too far.

SPOKE : Taking what too far?

KELVIN : Doesn't matter. Could you please proceed most hastily towards the destination of the, as it were, "point"?

SPOKE : Certainly, Dr Kelvin.

KELVIN : Thank you, Dr Spoke.

SPOKE : [ holds up the piece of wood ] Wood, Dr Kelvin!

KELVIN : What of it, Dr Spoke?

SPOKE : Is it lucky? Do we find ourselves, upon the touching thereto and the utterance of the phrase, "Touch wood!" imbued with an aura of fortuitous resonance, which is contiguous with the occurrence of unlikely yet desirable happenstance?

KELVIN : That's not science, Dr Spoke.

SPOKE : How would you know? You bought your degree off the Internet.

KELVIN : Good point, Dr Spoke.

SPOKE : You are right, though... Shall we have a cup of tea instead?

KELVIN : I have a feeling this is going to be the nicest cup of tea we've ever had.

SPOKE & KELVIN : [ dive simultaneously onto the piece of wood and simultaneously say... ] Touch wood!

[ exuent ]