Dr Spoke and Dr Kelvin Save the World! - Part Two: ‘Catching Light’

 

CAST

Dan AB : Dr SPOKE

Dan H : Dr KELVIN

 

[ Dr KELVIN is standing around looking at a test tube - turns it around, tips it upside down onto his head, etc ]

[ Enter Dr SPOKE carrying an iPad ]

SPOKE : Today, Dr Kelvin...

KELVIN : Yes, Dr Spoke?

SPOKE : We are going to catch...

KELVIN : Catch what, Dr Spoke?

SPOKE : Light!

[ Cue dramatic music from iPad ]

[ KELVIN and SPOKE look at iPad ]

SPOKE : I'll just put that there... [ puts down the iPad ]

KELVIN : So how are we going to do it, Dr Spoke?

SPOKE : Do what?

KELVIN : Catch light!

[ They both look at the iPad, which does nothing... They both shrug ]

SPOKE : Do you have a light source, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : One moment, please... [ rummages in a shopping bag and pulls out a bottle of ketchup (or other sauce) ]... 30% fat free!

SPOKE : No, Dr Kelvin, not a light sauce, a light source!

KELVIN : Um... [ looks at the ketchup ]

SPOKE : A source of light!

KELVIN : Ah!... Um... No, I don't.

SPOKE : Oh...

KELVIN : But wait! What about the iPad?

SPOKE : Not bright enough.

[ Both look around, uttering um's and er's, shrugging, waving arms about, etc ]

KELVIN: But wait again!

SPOKE : What is it, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : [ pulls an enormous torch out of his shopping bag ] Will this do?

SPOKE : Most splendid, Dr Kelvin - most splendid indeed! Now shine it!

[ KELVIN switches the enormous torch on and shines it directly in SPOKE's face ]

SPOKE : Not at me, you-... ahem

KELVIN : Where shall I shine the source of light, Dr Spoke?

SPOKE : Out... [ gestures dramatically towards the audience ]... there...

[ KELVIN does so ]

SPOKE : Good, Dr Kelvin. Very good. Most excellent. And now... I shall catch it!

KELVIN : But how, Dr Spoke? Tell me how you will catch... the light!

SPOKE : With this! [ pulls out a very normal looking fishing net ]

KELVIN : But won't the light just go through the holes?

SPOKE : A-ha, Dr Kelvin - a-ha!

[ KELVIN shrugs ]

SPOKE : If you look very carefully, Dr Kelvin - put down the torch first...

[ KELVIN does so ]

SPOKE : [ holds the fishing net very close to KELVIN's face ] Can you see, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : I'm not... sure... I... ?

SPOKE : The holes, Dr Kelvin - the holes!

KELVIN : Um...

SPOKE : Are you blind, man?! They are tiny!

KELVIN : Oh...

SPOKE : So tiny, in fact, my noble and learned colleague, that they will catch even the smallest of photons!

KELVIN : Pho-what?

SPOKE : Photons, Dr Kelvin! Subatomic particles of light! By all the heavens, did you not go to school? Did you not study science at the highest possible level?

KELVIN : Not really.

SPOKE : Then how can call yourself a doctor?

KELVIN : I bought my degree off the Internet.

SPOKE : Useless! Utterly and irrevocably useless!

KELVIN : Sorry.

SPOKE : Well I'm off to Morrison's. Anything you want?

KELVIN : Some tea bags please.

SPOKE : Rightey-ho.

[ Exit SPOKE, while KELVIN retrieves and continues fiddling with the test tube ]