GT008: Marmalade

The gremlins sat round the small portable TV, which they had stolen from the house of Eric Marmalade, the geography teacher, arguing over what to watch.

'Knott's Landing!' said one.

'Big Brother!' said another.

'The Importance of Being Earnest!' said a third.

Needless to say, the third gremlin got a slap.

The other three dozen gremlins wanted to watch Eastenders, so the decision was made.

As you are no doubt fully aware, gremlins can't sit still for two minutes, before they start flicking each other's ears, sticking pentops up each other's nostrils and tying each other's feet together with spaghetti, so by the time Bradley and Stacey decided to pop round to Dot's for a cup of tea and a fairy bun, the place was Bedlam (actually it was an old, abandoned cinema, which the gremlins had decided to inhabit, wherein they would put their warty feet up and let down their straggly hair after a hard day's naughtiness, but its resemblance to the eponymous psychiatric establishment could not be denied).

'Shush!' said a relatively sensible-looking gremlin at the front, who had his nose almost pressed against the glass of the TV screen.

But those of his fellows who didn't hear him ignored him. He therefore stood up, turned around, stamped his foot and shouted in a big booming voice...

'SHUSH!!'

All the other gremlins stopped what they were doing, opened their gobs and beheld this six foot gremlin with the booming voice who stood before them.

''Ang on a minute...' said one.

'That's not a gremlin...' said another.

'It's Eric Marmalade, the geography teacher!' said a third.

At which a little voice at the back said, 'Get 'im!' and they all scrambled forward, pulled Eric Marmalade to the ground and did unspeakable things to his person.

'That'll teach you to mess with gremlins,' said one gremlin.

'Too right,' said another.

'Is Eastenders still on?' said a third.