Larry and Mick and the Nidiot

"You're an idiot," said Larry.

"I'm not a Nidiot," said Mick.

[ fin ]

...

EPILOGUE:

The Nidiot came crashing through the window, guns blazing, gleaming steel sword brandished in its third robotic arm.

"Eh?" said Larry and Mick.

"I AM THE NIDIOT!" said the Nidiot.

"Oh," said Larry.

"'The'?" said Mick.

"EH?" said the Nidiot.

"You said 'the'," said Mick. "Is there only one of you?"

A more detailed description of the Nidiot follows.

He was a he. And he was a she. Some parts were male and some parts were female. And some were neither here nor, indeed, there. As it were. It has already been mentioned that the Nidiot had a third robotic arm. That is to say that two arms were human-ish and a third was robot-ish. The human-ish arms were where you would expect them to be (protruding, in human-like fashion, from the shoulders), whereas the robotic arm came sort of out of the abdomen and to the left a bit. One of the human-ish arms was hairy as you like and wouldn't have looked out of place on a prehistoric gentleman of stout build. Whereas the other one, though sinewy and muscular, was more svelte and hair-free, perhaps more suiting of a world class female tennis player. The robotic arm was a great big bugger of a thing, all nuts and bolts and chrome and stuff, with six or seven multi-jointed fingers, which grasped the great big bugger of an aforementioned sword. The rest of the body, all 7+ feet in tallness, was generally cyborgy and mismatched and... well I invite you to apply your imagination to filling in the rest.

"I AM THE ONE AND ONLY!" said the Nidiot.

"You are Chesney Hawkes," said Mick.

"EH?" said the Nidiot.

"I don't think so," said Larry to Mick.

"Coincidence then?" said Mick.

"Probably," said Larry.

"STOP TALKING!" said the Nidiot; "OR I WILL SHOOT YOU DEAD!"

"Unpleasant," said Larry.

"Uh-huh," said Mick.

"I DON'T CARE!" said the Nidiot.

"Well you should," said Larry.

"Politeness costs nothing, you know," said Mick.

"IT WILL COST YOU YOUR HEADS!" said the Nidiot.

"Ridiculous," said Larry.

"Uh-huh," said Mick.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" said the Nidiot.

"Why would I pay anything for politeness?" said Larry. "Least of all my head."

"What he said," said Mick.

"RIGHT THAT'S IT..." said the Nidiot, who proceeded to whip up his (or her) sword and start slashing around wildly.

"Sigh," went Larry.

"Not our first rodeo," went Mick.

Larry and Mick then deftly avoided all ninety four swipes of the Nidiot's blade, each picked up a PlayStation controller and clocked the Nidiot on the back of its head.

"What a Nidiot," said Larry and Mick.

The Nidiot disappeared in a puff of its own irrelevance.

...