Her First Avowed Intent - Episode 22

“Wanna ‘ear summat queer?”  Jarvis sat back from his gratifyingly empty plate and rubbed his stomach with satisfaction.

“Go on, I’ll buy it” Cocker chuckled, still mopping up the remaining resistance from the war-zone that was his plate.

“That bloke and ‘is family what we dropped off” Jarvis began.

“The Parson you mean?”

“That’s ‘im!”  Jarvis nodded, “owt strike you as odd about ‘im?”

“What, apart from ‘im bein’ a Parson?”

“Yeah” Jarvis prodded a recalcitrant piece of meat that had somehow become stuck in the few teeth he had remaining.

“Nah, not really” Cocker shook his head.

“’Ow many ‘ands ‘ad ‘e got?”  Jarvis leant back in his seat and stared at his colleague.

“’Ands?  I dunno, two I s’pose”

“I don’t reckon ‘e ‘ad.  I looked closely an’ I never saw ‘is left ‘and, not once” Jarvis looked pleased with himself.

“Yer reckon?  I never noticed.  Any road, so what?”

“Well, what do we know about the bloke who the Parson reckoned ‘e’d ‘ired the carriage orf?”

“I dunno.  Some Captain or other weren’t it?  Captain…Dobber summat” Cocker reached into the depths of his memory and came up empty-handed.

“Captain D’Arbanville” Jarvis smirked, “sea-faring bloke, they reckon.  Other than ‘is name, what else do we know about ‘im?”

“Ooh, I know, I know” Cocker bounced up and down in his seat with excitement, “’e ‘ad an ‘ook for an ‘and”

“That’s ‘im!”  Jarvis beamed.

“So what?” Cocker looked puzzled.

“Well, ‘ow many blokes do yer know what ‘as only got one ‘and, eh?”

Cocker thought about this for a while.

“I don’t reckon I know any” He said, eventually, “’eard about ‘em, yeah, but I’ve never seen no-one”

“No, nor me.  Let’s see ‘ow many people know someone” He winked at Cocker, stood up and yelled, “’Ere, you lot, ‘ow many of you knows someone with just one ‘and?”  He looked around him at the stunned customers of the inn.  They all shook their heads.

“I know a bloke with no ‘ands” A little old bloke in the corner piped up.

“Yer do?”  Jarvis frowned.

“Yeah, ‘e plays the lute for a bloke who don’t like music” The old bloke doubled up with laughter, along with the rest of the patrons of the inn.

“Oh yeah, very funny!” Jarvis forced a smile and sat down again, “Any road, you don’t know no-one with just one ‘and, and I don’t know no-one with just one ‘and, and no-one ‘ere knows no-one with just one ‘and, except for ‘Chuckles’ over their in the corner” Jarvis nodded.  He was particularly pleased with this argument of his, he’d been working on it ever since they left the shuttered inn.   “But the Parson, who’s only got one ‘and, reckons ‘e ‘ired a carriage and ‘orses from the Captain, who’s only go one ‘and an all.  What do yer reckon are the chances of two one-‘anded blokes bein’ involved in summat like that, eh?”

“Dunno” Cocker scratched his head, “bit of a coinci-thingy innit?”

“I reckon it’s more than a coincidence” Jarvis looked at his workmate knowingly, “there’s summat else, an’ all”

“What’s that then?”

“Yer know when ‘e first got out the carriage?”

“Oh ar, ‘e frightened the life outer me!”  Cocker winced at the memory.

“Well, ‘e were stutterin’ an’ stammerin’ all over the place, remember?”

“Yeah” Cocker chuckled.

“But, ‘ere’s the thing” Jarvis leant over the table and fixed Cocker with his gaze, “’e never stuttered or stammered once when we got to the inn!”  He sat back, triumphantly.

*****

Gwladys and Aefelthrith were busy cleaning the bar of the inn.  Dust lay thick upon the tables and mud (and worse) had hardened on the floor.  Cobwebs hung down from the rafters and old ash and soot tumbled from the fireplace.

“I’ve just about had enough of this” Aefelthrith hissed to Gwladys. 

“Just gerron with it” Gwladys whispered back.

“I’ve already had to unpack all their luggage, not to mention change that blasted child of their’s” Aefelthrith scowled.

“Look, once this place is cleaned up and they can get people in again, it’ll be better won’t it?” Gwladys said, hopefully.

“And what are those two doing to help?  I thought she was supposed to be working with us?”  Aefelthrith nodded across the room toward Clarence and Dolly, who were poring over a large drawing.

“’E’s done some drawin’ or other of ‘ow ‘e reckons it’s goin’ to look when they’ve done them alterations what ‘e was on about”

“I would have thought it was more important to get the inn going again as it is, before going off on some pipe dream about how it might be!” Aefelthrith gave the table in front of her a particularly harsh scouring.

“Oh, Ethel, Glad, I’ve just thought, can you get them curtains down and give them a good wash an’ all?”  Dolly called over.

“Yes, ma’am” Gwladys shouted back.

“I’m not going to be held responsible, soon” Aefelthrith growled.

*****

“Yeah, you’re right” Cocker nodded, “but what are yer getting’ at?”

“Give me strength!” Jarvis rubbed his eyes and frowned, “look, ‘e’s only got one ‘and, same as this Captain D’Arbanville bloke, an’ ‘e stutters and stammers like you’d think a clergyman might, but only when ‘e remembers!  Now d’yer see what I mean?”

Cocker thought long and hard.

“No” He said, eventually.

“Stone me!  ‘E didn’t ‘ire the carriage an’ ‘orses from the Captain because…’e IS the Captain!”  Jarvis beamed with pride.

“Never!”  Cocker looked shocked.

“I’m tellin’ yer” Jarvis nodded, “it’s the only thing what makes sense!”

“Bloody ‘ell!” Cocker shook his head in disbelief, “who’d ‘ave thought it?”

“Me!  I’d ‘ave thought it!”  Jarvis pointed to his chest and grinned, “yer’ve got to get up pretty early in the mornin’ to get one past Jarvis”

“Pity you didn’t think of it while we’d got ‘em” Cocker pointed out.

“I ‘ad to ‘ave time to think it through, didn’t I?”  Jarvis said, with wounded pride.

“Oh well, that’s that then” Cocker commented, swilling down the rest of his flagon.

“No, it ain’t though, is it?”

“What d’yer mean?” Cocker frowned.

“Well, we’re goin’ to get paid for takin’ this carriage and ‘orses back right enough, yeah?”

“Yeah” Cocker agreed.

“But I ‘appen to know there’s a reward out for this Captain.  A substantial reward, it said” Jarvis looked at his partner, meaningfully.

“Just makes it worse, don’t it?”  Cocker said, mournfully, “we ‘ad ‘im and we lost ‘im”

“No reason why we couldn’t ‘ave ‘im again though, is there?” Jarvis had a twinkle in his eye.

*****

“When you’ve finished that bit of a job, perhaps you could go back and give me mam an hand with the kitchen?”  Dolly yelled over her shoulder, as she and Clarence made their way upstairs.

“She’s beyond belief, that one!”  Aefelthrith growled.

“She’s just feelin’ ‘er feet” Gwladys explained, “I don’t reckon she’s ever had staff to boss around before.  She’ll get over it soon enough”

“Not if I have anything to do with it, she won’t!”  Aefelthrith snarled.

“Look, lovey, I know it must get on yer nerves, but, let’s be ‘onest, we’re not doin’ nowt we weren’t doin’ before, are we?”

“Yes, but there’s a difference!”  Aefelthrith threw her scrubbing brush into the bucket, creating a pleasing arc of soapy water, “back then, we were doing it for ourselves.  We could pick and choose our jobs.  If we didn’t like how we were treated, we could just walk away and find somewhere else, couldn’t we?  We certainly didn’t have the likes of Lady Muck there, walking all over us!”

“It’ll get better” Gwladys said, hopefully.

“I’m not sure it will” Aefelthrith shook her head, “and I’m not sure I’m going to wait to find out”

*****

“’Ow d’yer mean?”  Cocker frowned.

“We go back and we persuade ‘im to come back with us” Jarvis grinned and fingered the point of the knife in his hand.

“But…they’ll ‘ang ‘im!”  Cocker pointed out.

“No skin off my nose” Jarvis shrugged, “but that reward, that could set us up for life!  Think of all the work we’d get!  They’d be sayin’” He adopted what he considered to be a ‘posh voice’ “‘Oh, yer want Jarvis and Cocker for a job like that’ an’ we could name our own price!”

“’E’s not gonna come quietly though, is ‘e?”

“No, we’re goin’ to ‘ave to be a bit canny” Jarvis nodded, “get ‘im when ‘e’s on ‘is own.  Show ‘im a bit of the sharp edge an’ then tie ‘im up, good and tight”

“I’ve ‘eard as ‘ow ‘e’s a bit tasty with a sword ‘isself” Cocker commented, dubiously.

“I’ve ‘eard pigs fart before!” Jarvis said, contemptuously, “there’s two of us an’ e’s only got one ‘and!  If we can’t get the better of ‘im, we might as well pack up ‘ere and now!”

“Well, if you say so” Cocker agreed, with a certain amount of trepidation.

“This time next year, Cocker me lad” Jarvis grinned and beckoned to the serving wench, “we could be sittin’ pretty”
I know that keeping track of a story that trails over many weeks isn't easy, and many thanks to those who have stuck with it through thick and thin!  if you want to get to grips with the story so far, pop and have a look at the collection via the link below:

The Chronicles of a Young Lady (and her Maid)