Untitled

By samhennig

Mon, 28 Apr 2014
  • 288 reads
1 comments
 

Dust falls in the half light,

vision thick.

 

For a moment it is war.

Green, deco tiles rattle

round the arches,

swirling echoes. 

 

Numb faces,

noiseless speaking.

Crammed so tightly,

Side by side,

Alone as the ceiling crumbles in.

 

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by maisie on

Probably appalling of me to say ....   where you intending a long line at the end?  It seems not to fit.  Also some lack of punctuation through the stanza's.  I always feel that you either do or don't.

Your content and volcabulary are good.  Loved this bit  'Dust falls in the half light

vision thick.'    Thank you for sharing.

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!