Breaking up for the new guys

Have you ever woken up with a bird you wish

would just fly away?

But what if it a pesky one, it wants to stay...hum

Your not a bad person, well you tell yourself that (but really you are
a bit of a sod! never mind your only young once)

Well you want to dump this bird, you want this bird to fly away not get
run over so your torn

You do not want to hurt her feelings, others will not flock to you if
they hear of such harshness, you have to be clever!

'So how can I dump her without feeling guilty or upsetting her too
much...hmm'

You could try the approach of waking her up and demanding your fee for
the previous night actions, this could be a win win situation. She
would either slap you and leave (She gone...yess, but the gulit lies
there still) or she pays you (you have ?50 but now your a gigalo, but
thats something you can live with).

To try the above approach you need a straight face and acting ability
to pull it off so it might not be for you!

What else can you do?

Well...be nice, wake her up and make an excuse but done dump her yet
but also don't be over nice, just get her out of there for goodness
sake and then.........

[Later that night] Ply her with drink, lots, the more she drinks the
less you will have to pay her serious attention, make sure shes very
drunk (but not to the point its harmful, just drunk) then bring her
home and leave (might be best to tell her parents you found her in a
ditch so they don't shout at you for getting her drunk)

The next day when she calls you be very angry! Ask her a few questions,
make up some things that never happened like

"Do you rememeber dancing all night long?"

"No" she'll say (because she didn't, you are making this up

This is good, convince her she can not rememeber the night before, if
you got her drunk enough she should not be able to anyway

You then tell her you caught her kissing another man, tell her you can
not accept this and end the realtionship straight away

Now you are doing this for the benefit of both of you

She will not think your a bastard and tell every girl in the town
so...result for you.

She will not feel like she has been dumped for no reason or because of
her looks meaning she'll be able to get over the break up quicker
because she will think it was her own fault, also meaning she will not
argue with you when you dump her....result for you and a fast quiet
escape

There are many good ways to dump a bird so take a little extra care
when you do so