CC 101: Dul Amach

When we reached the passageway that would soon bring us before the castle itself, Emer stopped, and looked to the trees where Archie Given hanged himself, and where she once thought she’d seen his ghost.

‘Did you see him again?’

‘No.’

‘What’s wrong then?’

‘I just had a memory of it, that’s all.’

‘Me too.  You were the romantic one back then.  But in a scary way.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You asked me if I’d top myself for you.  Like Romeo and Juliet.  Remember?’

She laughed.

‘Ah, I was pullin your leg.’

‘You pulled it off.’

‘Suicide’s a plague around here.  What is it that makes them throw it all away like that?  Is it the weather?’

‘Might be.  That’s what they say.  But it’s probably deeper than that, truth be told.’

‘There was talk Archie Given couldn’t stand learning Irish.  The language drove him to do himself in.  I used to joke about it making me want to do myself in when I was younger, but that mad bastard actually went ahead and did it.  Why would someone kill themselves over their native language?  This country’s lost the plot.’

‘Ah, I remember it was tough myself.  I can only remember a handful of words.  Fuckin disgrace.  Hard enough when we were at school, so who knows what it was like in Archie’s time.’

‘It was only a few years before us.’

‘Yeah, I know, but it might have been harder.   The brothers who reigned when I was there were a malevolent bunch.  I was whipped with the metre stick plenty in the primary.  Memory serves me correct, it once happened because I couldn’t remember the full sentence they wanted me to say for going to the toilet.  An bhfuil cead agam... still can’t remember.’

‘An bhfuil cead agam dul amach?’

‘Yes, that’s it.  And what does that mean again?’

‘Can I go out?’

‘Yes.  Yes.  Can I go out?  I forgot it again.  Shit, thank god the brothers aren’t here now or I’d get whipped again.  Because that’s what happened back then.  Fuck, those cunts took your skin off about the language.  I think it had all stopped by the time our age got to the secondaries.  But it definitely happened to me in the primary.  I remember the bent-nose bastard who did it to me to this very day.  So I’d bet they were more brutal in Archie Given’s time.  Who knows how fucked up it was back then?  But maybe it wasn’t that at all.  It could have been anything that pushed him over the edge.’

‘I had much the same with the sisters.  Vicious oul bitches.   Ah, it was all around the country, and all around the town.  That’s the religious shite and its hold.’

I smiled and said, ‘You were always arguing with me about religion.’

‘Yeah, because you used to defend it.  I never got that.’

‘Hey hey, now.  Give me a break on that.  I was trying to be practical.  And it was usually just on the topic of...you know...having children and stuff.’

She hesitated a little, adjusted the neck on her red jumper dress, and then said

‘Right...anyway...with all that shite, I’m not surprised Archie, or any of those other lost souls, took the route they did.  All around you, all the time, in all anyone is saying, it’s just ghosts and demons, and death and dying, and dying and death.  When the talk of the town is death – day in and day out – it’s amazing the whole lot of us haven’t gone diving for worms.’

‘Did you hear about what happened with John Carroll?  Do you remember him?  An old friend of mine.’

‘Yeah.  I heard about it,’ she said.  I was glad she recalled who he was.  ‘Sad.  I’m closer to it than you know.  My Dad knew the old man who died.’

‘Oh?’

‘Yes, Martin Daly.  They were good friends.  He was very prominent in the Order, a generation before Paddy’s.  And I know his grandson, Vincent.  Do you know him?  Vinny Daly.’

‘Nah.’

‘He’s about the same age as us.  Bit of an asshole.  He owns quite a few bars and restaurants in the town.  He’s the one refurbishing all the old pubs, making them more modern and classy, you know. ‘

‘I don’t know him, but he is an asshole, if that’s what he’s doing.’

‘Nothing wrong with it.  The town’s in need of a makeover.’

‘I disagree.  I like the old places.  Keeps the character alive and going.  You don’t want to be dressing it up as something it clearly isn’t.  And you can tell when you go into some of those fancy places.  What’s the word?  Ostentatious.  There’s honesty in them old pubs.’

‘Give over.  Half the pubs in town, you’d need to have a shower after being in them.’

‘I like the smells.’

‘Well, you can have the smells.  Vinny is a bit pompous, but I like what he’s done with some of those places.  It’s a pity about old Martin, for sure.  Weird.  What the hell was that guy Carroll playing at?  He was always peculiar as fuck.’

‘He told me he was looking for Da McNamee’s book.  He thought it was under the old man’s bed in the hospital.  He tried to get it one day, and Daly attacked him.  It was just an accident.’

‘Who does something like that?  He was away with the fairies.’

‘He’s well away from us all now.’

‘Both of them are.’

‘Yep.’

It felt good to talk about death again with Emer.  I’d not thought either of us to be morbid sorts before, but now, with all this talk of suicide and corporal punishment and accidental homicide, and with the sun about to come up, the whole thing felt just right and dandy, almost like it was written in the stars.