Jaded in a corner

Life is a stage, they say. Well I say it's a strange sort of stage.
A stage with four walls, no doors and no audience. And yet it is like a
stage in that there is much sound and fury. And then, in a corner,
there's god.

I know the scientists of today have thoughrily disproved the existence
of God. But I don't see how you could even question god's existence. I
could just walk those scientists over to a corner of the stage and say,
here's god. And all of their charts and studies wouldn't mean a
thing.

It's because of my belief in God that they say I'm crazy. You see,
back then I was considered to be a perfectly sane college student. And
then I got a very useful idea. I would promote Thor as the new head god
of America. I don't believe that most Americans really believe in Jesus
anymore. And so we need a new head god who everybody can agree
on.

Seeing as viking religion is based on a fierce struggle to survive in
a very dangerous climate, which is similiar to America's current
nuclear situation, I thought that the head god of the ancient vikings
should be the head god of America. But America's such a big place.
There's that saying, think globally and act locally. And so I decided
to act locally to promote Thor as the new head god of America.

I decided to take action. I started a fund-drive in Ashland to build a
statue of Thor in the center of Ashland's downtown area. I manned my
booth faithfully every day. I waved my Thor for God campaign signs. And
I talked to people. I explained my ideas to them.

It took just three days to raise the needed funds. I was about to make
a major contribution to religion in Ashland, Oregon.

But when I approached the City Council with my proposed project, I was
arrested and taken to a mental hospital. I was determined to be
psychzofrenic. The doctor told me that I showed all of the symptoms. My
religious rivals wished to destroy my religion before it spread across
America and displaced them.

I was put on anti-psychotic drugs and they send me a monthly check for
being insane. I don't like the drugs and I don't take them. Besides,
I've found a new way to raise funds for the promotion of Thor. I sell
the drugs to teenagers and college students. It happens that my
particular form of psychzofrenia requires a drug that causes
hallucinations in people who aren't insane.

And so I live my happy life. I read. I write. I go to college parties.
I have friends and girlfriends. I've saved up enough money to take a
luxurious trip to Thailand this summer.

But every six months or so, I take to the streets of Ashland to
promote Thor. On these occasions, I actually take my anti-psychotic
drugs. I need to be in my best shape to serve Thor. The drugs give me
terrible hallucinations. Inevitably, the cops pick me up and take me
back to the mental hospital. It wouldn't do for the doctors to start
saying that I'd recovered.

Am I insane? Judge for yourself. I've told you my real life story, as
not even my parents know it.

I prefer the quiet life. Let the other actors strut around the stage
and give monologues to non-existent audiences. Let there be sound. Let
there be fury. I won't hear it. I won't see it. You'll find me, facing
the corner, meditating god.