journal010405

I have a cut on my right middle finger so this entry will be
concise. I got into a speech class. The professor described me to the
class as "persuasive." Next, I talk to the literature department head
to see if I can graduate this term. Turning the "ifs" of the situation
around in my head, I feel confident that I can, though my hustling
duties may not be over.
I just looked over a book of caterpillars, butterflies and moths. It
occurs to me that the true stars are the hoary moths and
natural-looking caterpillars. I like things that are harsh but noble.
The Titanic will sink but the rusty crab boats will be out the next
morning. And vision is the home of the healthy and the happy. We who
have truly suffered rely on sound, touch and a sense that is difficult
to describe. It has to do with unifying the world, stabilizing the
life-force within one's self. This last sense is "the force." And an
ugly moth in the desert night has more of it than a beautiful Malibu
butterfly.

after note: Prof. Ghoulson approved my graduation plan and, with a
little luck, I'll graduate this term. I'm happy to know this. I'm
considering applying to a business school. For some reason, I don't
feel happy right now. I had coffee and a quiche at 7 this morning for
$10. Maybe I'm on the caffeine and the financial low. In a conversation
with Kyle, the editor of SPEWS, I told him that I thought people read
literature because they were looking for a cultural authority, in
short, someone who's already in a position of literary power and also
someone who is willing and able to take the reins of creative
leadership. I intend to be one of these people. And the only way I can
possibly do it is to hustle: to portray myself as someone who's already
gained literary success.

after note: After getting out of my civil war literature class, all I
can say is this will be a tough term. I'm going to have so much
reading!
I had to go into this new Arab Professor's Shakespeare class and he
gives a lot of work. And then I have to give like five speeches for
speech class and I hate preparing speeches. My eyesight is fading
and... there isn't much fight left in me. I really need to take care of
my body and cut back on the caffeine. I feel strongly tempted to start
drinking and smoking weed again. Lord knows I shouldn't because I don't
know when to stop. Besides, it never gives me what I seek, which is
basically pleasure and adventure. Well, at least I enjoy reading. We'll
be covering some interesting authors like Henry James, Gertrude Stein
and Mark Twain. I better get home and get reading.
Oh yeah, I just printed out some of my work to give to my favorite
professor Liz Eckhart(she asked for it.) Liz is a brilliant Shakespeare
professor and they have her teaching introductory lit because she
doesn't quite have a PHD. Prof. Mohammed is her replacement. I do like
the guy and he's friendly and intelligent. But he doesn't have the
passion for Shakespeare that Liz does.