Break the Child: chapter Thirty ...2 Balloons

I was a bit sad. My cake was nice and everything and I was really grateful, but it was a little supermarket one. It was chocolate and it had a ribbon around it and said Happy Birthday and it was dead good, but it wasn’t one of my Mum’s cakes with the right amount of candles on it. Mum made me a birthday cake every single year. I realised right at that moment looking at the cake, that I’d never get one again.

            I remember one year we were having a big party, so she wanted to make a big cake. It was the only year that it ever went wrong. She used a massive fruit cake tin; the biggest one you could get, for weddings and stuff like that. But she didn’t realise that a chocolate sponge isn’t heavy enough to support itself in that cake tin. She tried to get it right three times and soon had three collapsed disasters in front of her. It was going to be a Malteser cake with Malteser cream and chocolate icing. Mum just got the huge platter that we serve the turkey on at Christmas, piled all the cake up like a mountain and covered the whole lot in cream, icing and Maltesers. She called it, The Compost Heap and it was the best cake ever.

            Aunty Linda winked at me. You could feel how awkward it was in the room. My dad was enjoying himself, but he was the only one.

‘Right, Danny, said Aunty Linda, after giving him a coffee and asking if he wanted sugar. ‘This is Kate’s Mum, Annie. And this is her best friend, Kate’s Aunty Helen and I’m Annie’s sister, Linda. Steve you’ve already met. Just ignore him, he’s being a big kid and enjoying himself at your expense. Best thing to do is give as good as you get, and he’ll soon get bored. So you know us all now, welcome to the family and muck right in.’

            ‘I’ll never get bored,’ Dad said with a wink at Mum. ‘Kate’s never brought a boy home for me to bully before.’

            ‘And you wonder why I tried to get away before you saw us.’ I said to Dad and then turned to Danny. ‘Now do you see? My whole family are nuts.’

            ‘I’m beginning to,’ said Danny with a grin, ‘but you haven’t met my lot, yet.’ I felt him relaxing a bit. Everybody started chatting and all the tension just floated away.

            ‘I’m Annie,’ Mum said, coming up with her hand out for Danny to shake; she was only about ten minutes too late for the introductions, and, she was still holding the stupid cauliflower. Her eyes were fixed on the balloons that Danny clutched in his right hand. I realised that I should have taken them off him before he sat down, but it was all so cringe—unless you’ve been in that situation, you don’t know about balloons and boyfriend presents and stuff. And he’d had to hold onto them all this time. Mum, wanting the balloons, simply let go of the cauliflower. It hit Danny’s knee and he let out a whoosh of air. Aunty Linda asked Danny if he was all right, I just laughed because I didn’t know what else to do. Everybody in the room except Mum watched the cauli roll across the carpet and come to a stop by Aunty Helen’s feet, she picked it up and now, would you believe it, she was sitting with a cauliflower on her knee. 

Danny looked terrified; I felt his hand tighten in mine. I’m not surprised that he was scared of Mum; she was looming over him like a big, fat, pregnant, three-year old. And then she took a step closer to the balloons and her belly hit Danny in the face—I swear—He was front on and when Mum’s belly touched his nose, he turned his head and the side of his face wall all squished up against Mum’s belly. He moved back and his spine was bending backwards to avoid touching Mum. He was so desperate to avoid the fact that that she isn’t normal that I think he said the first thing that came into his head. 

‘Hello Mrs Bell, that’s a lovely baby you’re having.’

            I gave a kind of laugh, I looked at him, frowned and mouthed, ‘lovely baby?’ then I realised that everybody was looking at us. I was going to say something to try and ease the awkward moment, but Danny hadn’t finished yet.

‘Yes, Kate says that we can take it for walks and bath it and stuff…’ he tailed off.

Everybody was looking at us; I don’t think anybody knew what to say. Dad sort of snorted, ‘Huh, not while he’s in there, you’re not.’

            ‘No. no, gosh no, I didn’t mean before it—he’s—born. I didn’t mean that I want to bath Mrs Bell, Jesu—dear me—that would be terrible, I…’

            I saw the twinkle in Dad’s eye. His mouth was twitching at the corners. ‘Well, I’m glad to hear that, son. If you wanted to bath my wife, I really would have to kill you.’ My Dad’s evil sometimes, the aunties were both laughing, and Danny looked as though he wanted to cut his mouth out with a rusty knife. Me, I just wanted to go to school so that I could tell Sal all about it. I was sure that when I’d stopped being embarrassed. It would be hil-ar-i-ous. 

I realise that, under certain situations, my boyfriend is going to be useless and my Dad’s a moron. Danny’s mouth has a mind of its own. But then, he did something so mature that I felt proper proud of him. I couldn’t have done it.

            He took a big breath and sat up straighter, smiled at Mum who was still standing in front of him gawping and then he looked Dad right in the eye. ‘I’m sorry Mister Bell that was really stupid. Can we start that again, please? I got a bit flustered and have no idea what I was saying.’ I made a mental note to remind him later. He took another breath before continuing, but Dad decided to put him out of his misery.

            ‘At ease, lad,’ he said, as though he’s some sergeant major or something, ‘I know what you were trying to say.’ He was still smiling but his eyes were serious now. ‘We’ve all had a lot to get used to these last few months and you’ve had it dropped on you in five minutes. As long as you make my little girl smile you’ll do for me. In fact, never mind Kate, as long as you keep saying really dumb stuff, you’re welcome here anytime. Relax son, we like you.’

            Mum stopped staring at the balloons while Danny had babbled on like a fool. Maybe somewhere in there she could still pick up on a tense atmosphere or maybe she was thinking, why is that boy babbling like a fool? Whatever the reason, she stood in front of him with her mouth open, her head cocked, and just stared at him. When Danny wasn’t speaking, she jolted out of her trance. 

            ‘It’s my Birthday today. Are they for me?’  Mum asked, reached over Danny to take the balloons. ‘How lovely.’

And there was the belly in Danny’s face again. The thing is like a homing missile. Knowing what was coming, he turned his head to the side to try and avoid it but the bump pressed against his cheek squashing his face up and folding his ear over. He made a little, ‘Aah,’ noise and his head was wedged between the sofa and Mum’s belly as she reached across for the balloons. She waltzed across the room with them, and one said, To My Girlfriend. Aunty Linda was doubled over laughing, then we were all laughing, and the awkwardness was gone. Dad asked Danny loads of questions, like which football team he supports and what kind of music he likes. Soon they were chatting away like mates.

            Mum played with my balloons until she got bored. She let them go and they floated up to the ceiling and stayed there. The balloons were old hat because she’d spotted the bag of presents that Danny had tried to push beside the sofa out of sight. Mum likes pretty things and the bag was pink and had a glittery bow on it. She was sitting on the carpet and I was grateful she had jeans on. She shuffled across the room on her bum to get it.

Aunty Helen saw what was coming. ‘Right everybody, come on. Let’s leave these kids to it,’ she said, taking Mum’s arm and turning her around. ‘Everybody into the kitchen, give them some privacy.’

            Mum stared at Danny. ‘Who is that Boy? Do we know him?’

            ‘That’s our Kate’s boyfriend, Annie. Come on, let’s go and peel some potatoes or something.’

            ‘Is it?’ said Mum. ‘Are they sleeping together?’

I could hear Aunty Linda killing herself laughing from the kitchen.

‘Your family are great,’ Danny said. He leaned over after checking the door to see that nobody was going to burst back in. And then he kissed me gently on the mouth. ‘I really like them. And your Mum’s brilliant.’

            ‘Oh, she’s not always like that. If you hadn’t given her those balloons, she’d have thrown a fit.’

            ‘That’s easily solved then. Next year I’ll just buy an extra one saying, To My Girlfriend’s Mum.’