Removed for submission

Cherry

By Stephen Thom

Thu, 18 Jan 2018
  • 1471 reads
9 comments
 

Removed for submission - thanks kindly for the reads and comments :)

Certificate 18
Story

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

water of life, right enough. 

 

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

Cheers loads for reading all this celticman! yes

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Another tour de force Stephen. Do you ever have nightmares? I think I might if I wrote stuff like this smiley

 

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

Thanks kindly for reading insert :) haha. Depends on how much cheese I've eaten

 

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

Thanks for the cherries!

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Brilliant. I feel breathless at the end. The whole thing is so visual and entirely coherent.

At the point of action where Pete goes for Red: "Pete braced himself. He rushed out. He rushed into the suited man." for a moment had me thinking Pete had rushed out of the room. The next sentence corrects that thought, but breaks the action a little at a crucial point. Maybe he doesn't need to rush out?

This is fantastic writing.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

Thanks loads for reading all this PS. Real glad you enjoyed. Great spot again. Will remove. Very helpful, thanks man. Cheers for the thoughtful comments yes

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

I do enjoy these claustaphobic nightmare worlds you are so good at creating.

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

Real glad you enjoyed PS. Thanks loads for reading through all this :) much appreciated