Gambler 5

"So what do you do?" "I gamble." "What are your hobbies?" "Killing spies." The guy looks at the 16 year old girl and then back at me. "Your friend is quite a joker, isn't he?" "He's very. very funny," she inserts. They pass around a joint and I don't feel like smoking it but I do. "What's an old man like you doing with a 16 year old girl?" "She parked herself in my life. Besides, I don't give a fuck about anything anymore." "Why not." "I don't know." "Look at the world around you. It's beautiful as it is. You don't need to kill people." "Look kiddo... I don't know which fucking universe you grew up in but I tell you, I've seen some things which are mighty fucked up. Once I was asked to join a club at a very elite school in which they asked me to whip and enslave upperclass girls so that they could be shipped off to the Middle East as concubines for a summer." "That's not true." That's your naked lunch." "You're crazy." "Join the club." "Anyway, she and I want to get married and we want your blessing." I'm not her father." "Just give us a blessing." "May the grace of God overflow with eternal trust." "Thank you." "Can you lend us some money for the wedding?" I kept my money in my underwear so I grabbed 5 $10,000 bills and gave it to her. She kissed me on the cheek. I know that he wanted to thank me but I was glad that he didn't. The pot was beginning to get to my head and I felt like a complete airhead. I told them some jokes to make them feel good about themselves. White people are like that. They always have to be at the center of attention and marginalize or silence everyone else. It makes them feel like they are closer to being. Even at black bars, white people come in and they go to the center and the black men seem to love them and prefer them to black women. This is made fun of in Hollywood Shuffle, a movie I saw and loved. The thing is I really don't mind being marginalized. I like killing spies. That's my hobby. They've all left, leaving a litter of food and glasses for me to clean up. I'll clean it up tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day. I want to be a hero. I want to be my hero. I love superheros. Sometimes I imagine that I am saving Jewish girls from doom. This world is rotten as hell. Sacrifice. When they talk about a sacrifice, you gotta figure out what a raw deal it is, under this veneer of religious language. Sacrifice, they may be asking for your daughter. Sacrifice. I wonder what the Leonard Cohen song, "Issac's Sacrifice" is all about. There's something that people are not talking about, that is coming through in a metaphorical language. This world is full of shit! Killing relieves my stress. Gambling heightens it.