Bring your pet to work day

Nobody’s admitting it, but this year’s bring your pet to work day has been a disaster. It’s the elephant in the room – it’s too big and keeps shitting everywhere. Why on Earth Kevin thought it a good idea to bring it to work I’ll never know. It almost broke the lift just getting it to the fourth floor.

Not that the other pets have been any more successful. Julie’s hamster was eaten by Simon’s cat, which in turn was attacked by Peter’s Alsatian, which was eaten by Georgia’s pet snake. It led to a furious fight between the various pet owners and their supporting factions.  There hasn’t been a scrap like it since Share Your Secret Thoughts Day last June.

It hasn’t been all bad, though. Sarah came up to me at lunchtime, patted me on the head and tickled me under the chin.

“This must be your monkey,” she said to my owner. “What’s its name?”

“It’s a gorilla actually. His name’s Terrence.”

“Ah, what a cute name. What’s he doing scribbling in that notebook?”

“He wants to be a writer. He's making 'stories'.”

“Oh, aren’t you a clever little gorilla Terrence.  Write me a story and I’ll give you a banana.”

This is for you Sarah.