If M&S employed Christians

Stupid of me to buy socks at this time of year. A 15 minute queue, entertained all the while by Christmas tunes.

When I finally got to the till the shop assistant shook his head and gestured to the long line that comprised the next queue.

“I can’t serve you,” he said.
“Why not? I just want to buy some socks.”

“It’s against my religion, I’m afraid. They’re made from mixed fabrics. Leviticus 19:19 says do not wear clothing woven from two kinds of material.”

“I’m not asking you to wear them, they’re not my Christmas gift to you, I just want you to scan them and take my money.”

“You’ll have to use the next till.”

“What if the guy on the next till is also a Christian?”

“Then he shall be blessed.”

“I meant what happens vis a vis my socks, I’m not concerned about his long-term spiritual destiny.”

I gave up on M&S and went to John Lewis. 100% pure cotton socks. Bless them. I queued again.

At the till another Christian smile greeted me.  “How are you paying sir?”

I held out my credit card.

“I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to use another till.”

“Why? These are cotton socks. No mixed fabrics.”

“The Lord forbids me to trade in debt. Ezekiel 18:18. You’ll have to use another till.”

I went to the cashpoint and then on to Debenhams. Before joining another long queue I sat down to check that the socks met all possible Christian criteria. Happily, they were socks that could offend no-one: 100% cotton, alcohol free and contained zero per cent pork product.

Another saved soul greeted me at the end of a long queue. “I’m sorry sir, but I can’t serve you.”

“But these are cotton socks, I’m paying by cash, what could possibly be wrong?”

“You were sitting on that chair.”

“Sitting on a chair! The bible doesn’t forbid sitting on a chair.”

“But I happen to know that that particular chair was recently vacated by a woman during her menstrual cycle. Leviticus 15:20-21 is quiet clear, that chair has become unclean and anyone that sits on it is consequently themselves unclean.”

I gave up. I shall just have to wear my holey socks. Next year I’m doing all my shopping at the Atheist Sock Co.