Never let pedants man your early warning system

“Control! Control! Can you hear me control, we’re under attack.”

“Stay calm Zero 2. Who’s attacking you? How many of them? What with?”

“There’s just me and Hudson left Control, everyone else is dead. It's chaos, a bloody mess. They attacked us. A troop of …”

“It’s not a troop, though, is it Watins. A troop is the collective noun for gorillas. Let me reassure you Control we’re not being attacked by gorillas.”

“Okay, sorry Henders, sorry Control, it’s not a troop, it’s a bunch …”

“Of flowers?”

“Okay, not a bunch, it’s erm, er, a unit ..”

“Of currency?”

“A gang …”

“Of elk?”

“Elk? Really? Erm, no, sorry control. Er, a collection …”

“Of stamps,”

“Zero 2, Zero 2 stay calm. Henderson, let the man finish. Never mind the collective noun Watkins, just tell us who, what and how. Give me the details that matter, stop wasting time on trivia Zero 2.”

“Okay, it’s an army. It’s an army of …”

“Zero 2? Zero 2? Can you here me? Are you there Zero 2? I need more information Zero 2, so that I can launch the appropriate response? Whose army is it? Zero 2? Wakins? What army is it? An army of ants? An army of frogs?”

“Did you hear that Henderson, an army of frogs? Henderson – are you there Henderson?”