Rawlplugs Of Yesteryear (Breaking the States)

“This is why you’ll never have professional darts in the States,” he said, holding up a piece of yellow plastic.  

I was staying with Dave and his family, hosts of an Air b&b, for the four nights I was in the States.  Dave had lured me into his garage with the promise of a dartboard to practice on before my game that evening, but instead of letting me practice he was proffering plastic at me. 

“What is that?” I said.   

“It’s a wall plug.  The type we use to hold up our dart boards. Cheap, plastic useless.  How are you supposed to throw darts with confidence if the only thing keeping the board to the wall is this cheap piece of shit.” 

“We call them rawl plugs in the UK,” I said. 

“Rawl plugs.  Ha, you and your cutesy English words. Do you have this rubbish in England?” 

“It looks pretty weak,” I said.   

“Exactly. We’ll never have professional dart players as long as we keep the boards up with these.  Which is why I use these.”  So saying he took out a wooden rawl plug and thrust it towards me. 

“A wooden rawl plug,” I said. 

“A genuine 1970s wall plug, I bought it from a site selling retro tool parts, but my friend Tony has a workshop in his garage and he knocked up a hundred of these for me.  This is what’s holding up my board. You can throw darts at this all day and all night without worry.”   

At last, we’ve got to the dart board.  This is the problem with staying in an Air B&B, you have to deal with people like Dave, but I can’t afford a hotel.  Even with cost-cutting I’m going to make a loss on this trip unless I get to the semis, but I need the money. In darts your ranking is based on your prize money, the fact that you made a loss achieving it doesn’t matter, and if I don’t finish the year in the top 64 my career’s over.  

“Feel this, sturdy isn’t it.” 

He made me tug at the backboard. 

“Pretty sturdy,” yes I agreed. 

“What wall plugs do they use at the Crucible?” 

“The Crucible! that’s snooker.  I’ve no idea what rawlplugs they use at the Crucible.”  

“Not the Crucible, the darts equivalent.” 

“The Ally Pally.” 

“The Ally Pally?” 

“The Alexandra Palace.” 

“You play darts in a palace? You English. What other nation would play darts at a palace. Does the King Play there?” 

“I don’t think the King plays darts,” I said. “I’ve no idea what rawl plugs they use at the Ally Pally. 

“Well somebody must know.” 

“Someone must, but probably not one of the players. Look, forget the rawl plugs, let’s have a game. What darts are you using." 

“Darts?” 

“Yes, the things you throw at the board” 

“I haven’t got those yet.  I wanted to get the board right.”