Kittian Road Warrior
By thisoldman
- 512 reads
1. When Two (2) vehicles are approaching head on both shall have the
Right of Way.
2. If there is an obstruction in a traffic lane such as a parked car,
the traffic in the lane with the obstruction must speed up. Whoever
arrives first shall have Right of Way.
3. Communication between opposing drivers is crucial. For instance, if
you are attempting to overtake a vehicle and the oncoming driver
flashes his lights it means "Come ahead"; or it means "I have no
brakes, the throttle is stuck, I'm high on ganja and wouldn't slow down
to see the Second Coming."
4. Upon overtaking vehicles it is important to be efficient. Never
overtake a single vehicle when you can do multiples, it is best to do,
like, 20 per attempt, with maybe a cement mixer thrown in. Also do this
on curves where the road may be wider.
5. The old arm signals are no longer appropriate. Due to the high rate
of travel of Kittian drivers any appendage thrust out of the window
runs the risk of arriving at one's destination on the hood of a passing
bus long before yourself.
6. It is important to maintain a proper following distance with the
vehicle in front of you. Because we are a friendly people a distance of
1" per 100KPH is considered appropriate.
7. Never believe the light signals, arm signals or verbal statements of
a taxi driver. A good rule is to observe the terrified passengers, they
will be looking longingly in the direction they had wished to be
taken.
8. Bicycles and donkey carts are not vehicles but are considered
advanced forms of pedestrian. They are therefore not required to obey
traffic regulations such as one way streets.
9. The Kittian vehicle horn is a highly versatile instrument. It can
mean "I am overtaking you must wait", "Go ahead", "Come ahead and pull
out", "If you pull out I will hit you", "Hello Mrs. Nelson I haven't
seen you since Sunday", or "I have a great calypso song on Zed I Zed
and I am keeping time with the music". Interpretation is left as an
exercise for the listener.
10. Vehicles must drive on the left side of the highway&;#8230;or
the right&;#8230;or straddling the center line&;#8230;except when
avoiding potholes when any is permitted.
11. And most importantly, when you are operating a motor vehicle in
Basseterre; due to their diminished mental capacity, chickens and
passengers just off the cruise ship shall have the Right of Way.
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