By Tom Brown
And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed
unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
Genesis 29: 20
As a hart roams in the wilderness as the desert cries after water, pants for mercy thirsts for rain, fresh cold streams peace of lush meadow, longs for rest for shade and clean pure joyful springs.
It was over Easter at the man-made lake nearby where are fountains of many colours, the water organ dancing bending in the dark, fascinating is the sway and swing and bows in harmony, to the music and shooting coloured jets high. All the lights shining rippling on the water. So beautiful, lovely with the pale moon in all her cold desolate beauty reflected in the calm water.
The Lakeside Mall is very pleasant with restaurants and bookshops and jewelers and so on. There are many people relaxing in the festive atmosphere chatting and laughing children playing and strolling young couples enjoying the holidays. With an ice cream cone I kind of blended in. The Lakefront always made me think of my late father and brought inner peace and a sense of safety and serenity.
Just next to it there is a tiny little church with place for no more than four people and just outside is a giant chessboard it all makes one think of Alice in Wonderland. Being Easter there was a massive rabbit on a very large straw throne for the kids but it was quiet now, it was still it was almost ghostly. The reason must have been because it was almost dark, it was evening with only a few pale lanterns. All around this is a wall with a step that one can sit on. This place was deserted that night.
At the crossroads there were three roads and I had to choose one, each of which were without return. Struggling in my mind for clarity and understanding I prayed I asked counsel and guidance, and judgement. Each path was of no return no coming back, the crossroads left behind always and for ever.
Two of the paths were either a life of hedonism and decadence; or a life of seclusion a deep and a dark forest a solitary life a quest for thruth. To be dedicated to study of nature philosophy and scripture. In those deep dark woods of forlorn shadows and shade lost in an unending loneliness a constant longing for people.
On this road the terrible unending loneliness a constant yearning for humanity is your sole companion. The craving for company wishing for people for friends and family a great longing a yearning but lost in the beauty of nature, knowledge and spiritual devotion as a self-exiled unloved recluse.
In decadence and drunken orgies of senseless pleasures and gluttony, find an unending search of more and more gratification. Accordingly a philosophy of mockery and ridicule. Sin seeking sin more addiction more craving more meaningless partners to seek sexual gratification, ending in drunken binges over and over without any meaning nor purpose nor any real sense happiness just empty merry mirth many parties and more. No real friends, abadoned, love just illusion.
Hedonism has never had any real attraction, and on the other hand a solitary life of study of books and nature and meditation does sound very romantic, but think how it must be how terrible it must feel to be severed from humanity in constant longing for people and any company.
The third path was of total conviction, steadfast and persistent to believe, to hope and trust and carry on against all adversity, then already I realised it could be very long, years. This is how I saw it and I had to commit myself. Now. The woman I loved. Even then I knew it wouldn't be easy and would take very much longer to find the way, both of the other two were easier, whereas love could even possibly never realise. Life and happiness is really not a destination.
Taking the last the third path I chose to believe and always. Given the circumstances it could mean years, three or seven or twenty-five. My thinking is sober so that still I hope still I trust. In humble prayer plea and praise be to the Lord, promise and commit I vow in this life or the next for and ever the quest. She was to be my wife.
There could be many many days to meet again, years of endless patience with firm resolve to suffer and bear. To sustain and endure persevering always. Suffering want and exhaustion much pain and tears and dangers. There too would be times of bliss and laughter and of plenty, days of abundance and feast always sober in a living hope.
Times of serenity calm and tranquil as the water itself, still yearning. Love is invincible.
The journey has meaning and clear purpose, but there will be dangers and many trails and temptations there would be many adventures to be had standing strong in faith and trust in His mercy. There would be many good days too of peace and joy.
Lingering there praying on my knees to the Father asked His blessing and protection, to the Saviour Jesus and turned to the Holy Spirit for comfort and strength. No return never looking back sure of foot firm of step strong of stride full of faith the journey began.
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage;
be not afraid, neither be thou dismaid: for the Lord thy God
is with thee withersoever thou goest.
Joshua 1: 9