Sunday Morning

She had some choices to make, and not just what’s for dinner-cheesy pasta as always when there were far more pressing matters at hand. What is she doing. In life. In love. In herself. Who is she.

These are the thoughts that appear when you’re standing outside on the patio at 3am because the cat is too scared to go out by herself and insists you have to join her for a wilderness pee in the bushes even though there’s a perfectly good litter tray inside… Although to be honest which one is the better option. Going inside where it’s safe and warm but you can smell your pee for the rest of the night or braving it outside in the dark where there’s scary noises, but, you have your most easily fooled human to keep you company. This was not one of the choices Hils needed to make but thought it was worth considering none the less.

As the ball of fluff hastily sprung back inside, Hils gave a small shrug and turned back across the patio. She locked the door behind her and gave the fluffy grey cat, who as now blissfully curled up on her favourite blanket, some scratches before returning to her own bed.

The usual Sunday morning routine greeted them, a leisurely breakfast of biscuits and pate for Smudge and the standard marmalade on seeded bread, lightly toasted, with a milky coffee for Hils.

The weather was finally warm enough to sit outside. Taking a bite of her toast and relaxing into the garden chair she took out her notebook and pen and staring at the pages blankly. After a short while Hils noticed her partner approaching, he was wearing baggy pyjama bottoms, a navy-blue T-shirt, and shabby brown slippers. He idlily walked over to Hils and gave her a brief kiss on the top of her head before settling down in the seat opposite. Hils smiled over at him ass he soaked up the sun on his face.

‘Coffee?’ He asked.

‘Sure, that would be great, thanks’

He took her mug and empty plate back to the kitchen and set about making a fresh pot.

How can I even be considering this? She thought. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with him, he’s lovely.

And yet, over the last few months something had changed, or rather she couldn’t work out if things had changed or if she was only just noticing them. Hils turned back to her notebook and read the only words that had been written in it.

I’m not sure I want to stay married.

That was it. That was the choice she had to make. But why, he seemed happy after all. Couldn’t they go on as they are? Hils closed the notebook and put down her pen. Nothing new was going to be written today.

Jack placed her fresh mug of coffee on the table, and she kissed her husband lightly on the cheek.

‘Thank you.’ She said as he resumed his position in the sun. Hils took a sip of her coffee and sighed in such a way that it could have been mistaken for contentment. Jack smiled.

‘I’m thinking of changing my name.’ announced Hils.

Amused, Jack raised his eyebrows ‘Tired of being named after a mound of earth’ he joked.

‘Hm, no, it’s not that.’ She replied. ‘I’ve been thinking about changing my last name.’

‘Whatever for Hils? Don’t you like being Mrs Fordyce?’

‘I just think that I prefer my old name, Hilda Fordyce doesn’t exactly have a ring to it...’

Jack opened his eyes and looked at her. ‘It’s only been a couple of years; you’ll get used to it. You only prefer Hawkins because you had it for so long, give it a chance.’ He picked up his mug and went inside without another word tipping his undrunk coffee down the sink. Hils watched him go. That went about as well as I expected She thought. Smudge came rolling over and weaved her tail around Hildas legs, purring. She bent down and to give her a scratch and Smudge wandered off to stretch out in the grass.

This was something she had noticed lately. The communication, or lack thereof. It was the walking away and closing off whenever he was upset that made it impossible to tell what he was thinking. Any questions would be met with a sharp nod or an ‘I’m fine’ before the silence continued. It was infuriating.

Usually when this happened Hils would try to make him happy again by suggesting something fun they could do together or she would talk favourably about an event or project he was involved in that went well. This eventually got him to open up or at least be more civil. If it didn’t, however, he would often wait until they were about to go to sleep, then would sigh before telling her what was wrong.

Hils was beginning to find this tiring and recently had started to leave him to get on with his bad mood alone. Was it going to be another one of those days she wondered.

Heading into the kitchen, Hils started to put the breakfast things aways and wash up the dishes. Jack was leaning against the worktop scrolling through his phone, not the best sign but, he had put the radio on which was promising. Just as Hils was finishing up Jack announced he was going for a run. Good she thought hopefully he can let off some steam, and we can have a proper conversation when he gets back.

Jack went to get changed and returned moments later wearing his smart watch, Heart rate monitor, GPS Tracker, and headphones, slipping his phone into his pocket and he walked out of the front door.

Hilda got dressed and made her way to the crafting table in the study to look through fabric scraps. She wanted to see if there was anything worth saving for another project, but her mind kept drifting elsewhere.

The first thing Jack did every morning was check his smart watch to see how well he slept, check his phone to see what messages he has and kiss Hilda before getting out of bed. The first thing Hilda does when she wakes up is kiss Jack and ask him how he slept and if he has a busy day as he wanders off to get dressed. Hilda then proceeds to get ready for work in their bedroom while Jack gets ready in the spare room next-door. This is how it has always been.

Hilda pulled a few items out of the cabinet and examined them. Maybe there was enough for a patchwork quilt if she didn’t mind the patches not being very square. She set them aside and carried on rifling through.

She had always liked to be alone. Whilst she loved her friends and her husband, she had always revelled in having her own space. In fact, she had never roomed with friends or lived with a partner before she met Jack. She had enjoyed her own company too much. But such are they way of things and before she knew it, they had moved in together. She actually didn’t mind it, Hils found it quite nice to share her day with someone over the dinner table. She had never wanted that before.

10 years later and they were still living together. Only now they owned the house and were married. Hils wasn’t quite sure how they got here. She could swear they only met a few months ago. Still, it was a good life, she didn’t have to worry or want for much. It wasn’t the life she thought it would be, but it never is.

Packing away the rest of the fabrics, Hils looked over to the door. Jack walked in red faced and sweaty. She stood up and started moving towards him. Jack rushed over and scooped her up, enveloping her in his arms and chest. Catching his breath he whispered, ‘I’m sorry Hils.’ Then he kissed her like he genuinely meant it this time.