The Maiden and The Madrinog

There was once a young princess who so loathed the idea of getting married that she decided to set three tasks which she presumed must be impossible, declaring to her people that only the person who was able to perform all three tasks would be able to marry her.

 

“Whoever wishes to marry me must first do these three things”, she said, “ They must bring me a moonbeam tied in a knot; they must make a tall mountain stand upon its head and make diamonds out of runner beans”.

 

Now everyone who heard the three tasks thought them impossible too and so not one suitor came forward for many years, which is just what the princess wanted.

 

However, one day, a Madrinog; a sort of magical being like an ogre but as small as a gnome with cloven hooves and rams horns, heard about the three impossible tasks and, hoping to marry the princess, turned up at the royal palace one day, presenting himself to the princess and saying,

 

“Your majesty, I shall perform the three tasks that you asked for and then, as you promised, you will have to marry me”.

 

Now the princess became very worried because she did not want to have to marry the ugly old Madrinog but she took heart in her certainty that no one, not even a Madrinog, could perform the three tasks.

 

The next minute, however, and seemingly without any effort at all, the Madrinog flew up to the moon and came back, shortly after, with a moonbeam tied in a knot which, bowing, he presented to the Princess.

 

Seeing the strange shining, silver object, now the princess realized that the Madrinog’s power was immense and she began to panic, even stuttering as, with a shaking hand, she received the knotted moonbeam, saying,

 

“Th-thank you, Madrinog. Y-you’ve done very well”.

 

But then, to make matters worse, the Madrinog told the princess to look outside of her palace window at a mountain in the distance and then, blinking all three of his bright purple eyes at once, the Madrinog made the mountain turn upside down and balance upon its tall, pointed, snowy peak.

 

“Oh no”, thought the Princess, seeing this feat of amazing magical power, “What am I to do if the Madrinog performs all three of the tasks? Then I will have to marry him for certain”.

 

And then, sure enough, taking a handful of bright green runner beans from his pocket, the Madrinog easily transformed them into a handful of shimmering diamonds.

 

“Now, your majesty”, he said to her grinning broadly and displaying his pointy and crooked yellow teeth, “As you promised, you must marry me”.

 

“All right”, sighed the Princess, “In spite of how horrible and ugly you are, I will marry you”.

 

And then, only a week or so later, came the day of their marriage in an enormous cathedral in front of hundreds of spectators and the Madrinog was standing in front of the alter, smartly dressed in his grooms outfit and the princess in her wedding gown.

 

Then the Priest, turning to him, asked him,

 

“Do you Madrinog swear to love and honour this woman for as long as you both shall live?”.

 

“What?”, exclaimed the creature, screwing up his face and spitting out the words as if they tasted foul, “Love and honour?  I most certainly do not. Madrinogs do not love or honour anyone for that is a good thing to do and Madrinogs only do wicked things”.

 

“Well…umm…”, said the Priest, not really sure how to reply to this, “Do you, then, promise to adore and cherish her whether in sickness or in health; richer or poorer; for better or for worse?”.

 

But, again, the Madrinog screwed up his face, this time covering his three pointed ears as if he had just heard some terrible noise.

 

“What?”, he said, “Cherish and adore, oh no, no I most certainly do not. Madrinogs do not cherish or adore anyone, except themselves, because cherishing and adoring are good things and Madrinogs only do wicked things”.

 

Now, hearing the Madrinog say this, the Princess smiled with relief,

 

“But you cannot marry me unless you take the vows”, she told him, “That is the law”.

 

The Madrinog snarled and growled unhappily, stamping all three of its cloven hooves loudly on the church floor,

 

“A Madrinog can tie a knot in a moonbeam and bring it all the way from the moon; he can make a tall mountain stand upon its head; he can even turn runner beans into diamonds  but he cannot love, honour, cherish or adore people, yucch!, for those are good things and Madrinogs can only do wicked things”.

 

And then, saying this, the Madrinog disappeared in a puff of blue smoke and a flash of red lightning never to be seen again.

 

Now, thinking that she had had a very lucky escape, the princess openly declared to her people,

 

“I have changed my mind about my three impossible tasks. Now, I have decided that I will happily marry any man who is truly willing to love me, honour me, cherish me and adore me for as long as we both shall live, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer and for better or for worse because I know that such a man must be a good man and worthy of my hand in marriage”.

 

And then, only a week later, in the very same cathedral and in front of hundreds of spectators, the Princess and a young, handsome and very loving man were married and lived, together, happily ever after.